According to PETA, most animal behavior problems are the result of “too much exposure to human sexual activity.” Therefore, pet owners who subject their little friends to triple-x-rated performances should not be surprised if their dogs break into the hamper and chew soiled underwear, or their cats sit on the coffee table trying to lick the fur off their butts whenever company arrives, or their birds straddle the bars of their perches and rock back and forth suggestively.

“That white stuff on the floor of bird cages isn’t all bird shit,” grinned the PETA spokesperson.