THE PENTAGON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Secretary of Defense Ashton B. Carter defended the F-35 Joint Strike Fighter from critics who claimed the aircraft's wings randomly falling off was "a serious and potentially dangerous design flaw." Lockheed Martin announced it was "looking into the alleged wing malfunction," and would require "no less than another billion or so" to remedy what it classified as "a low-priority design glitch."