New York City (NYC) (satireworld.com)

Democratic Mayor Bill de Blasio and the NYC Council have passed an ordinance banning Coney Island Whitefish. The Coney Island Whitefish, better known as a Condom (latex/rubber), cannot now be disposed of in any manner (like flushing) that causes this protective device to wind up in any body of water within NYC limits, e.g. lakes, rivers (Hudson, East, Harlem/Spuyten Duyvil Creek, Brooklyn/Gowanus Canal, Canarsie) and the Atlantic Ocean. Currently in the summer months the Coney Island Whitefish can be seen, after dark, spawning in NYC waters.