WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) announced it was changing its name to "Elect Hillary Clinton President 2016," and publicly committed itself to destroying the campaign of U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont "by any means necessary." Debbie Wasserman Schultz declared she was already using her position as chair of the DNC's successor organization to cripple the Sanders campaign by restricting its access to critical voter information it needed to contact and mobilize its supporters.