“Internet pornography is the new front line in the fight for freedom,” declares top blogger Norman Plinth, defending his ‘Save Our Smut’ campaign, which aims to frustrate the newly elected right-wing Conservative government’s plans to restrict Britons’ access to on line filth. “Trust me, Cameron’s attempts to censor porn from the net is just the thin of the wedge – if they succeed in taking away our right to look at naked breasts in the privacy of our own homes then the free press will be next!” For Plinth the free availability of internet pornography is symbolic of the free exchange of ideas and information that the world wide web has traditionally represented. “It’s getting to the stage where the web is the only place that you can get uncensored news reporting in the UK,” he told The Sleaze. “Damn it, I would never have known about that anti-austerity demonstration and riot in London the weekend after the election if I hadn’t read about it on Twitter – the mainstream news services completely ignored it. It was if there was a media blackout, like the government had slapped a D-Notice or something on it!” Indeed, the recent disturbances in London were just the latest in a long series of anti-government protests which the mainstream media have ignored and failed to report on, leading to speculation that the government has been pressuring the news media to suppress reporting of dissenting views.
“It’s relatively straightforward for bastards to muzzle the regular news outlets – most newspapers are owned by the Tories’ right-wing reactionary mega rich friends, as is Sky News, so they don’t really have to do anything to get them to report news only favourable to the government,” Plinth contends. “As far as the BBC is concerned, they can always threaten them with cutting the licence fee – besides, BBC News is full of Tory bastards as it is, they seem to recruit most of their press officers from there. With ITN, well, nobody watches their news programmes anyway, so they don’t even have to bother with them!” According to Plinth, the Tories’ attempts to restrict access to internet porn through making Internet Service Providers (ISPs) impose mandatory content filters on their customers, is simply a Trojan Horse, with the real target being the unfettered news reporting provided by the web. “It sets a precedent – if nobody objects to them censoring porn, then they’ll just move on to block other stuff,” he claims. “It could be happening already for some people – who knows what else other than smut that those filters are preventing you from seeing?”
For the blogger there is only one answer to the government’s attempts to muzzle the free flow of information on the web: a campaign of mass disobedience. “It’s quite obvious what we have to do,” Plinth told The Sleaze. “If they don’t want us to see porn on our laptops, tablets and phones, then we have to watch porn on our internet-enabled devices – in ever greater quantities!” Plinth claims that he has already increased his personal consumption of internet pornography by at least a gigabyte a day since the government first announced its plans last year. “I had to change ISP after my original provider threatened to cut me off because of what they claimed was my ‘unreasonable usage’ rates,” he reveals. “So much for their claims that it was an ‘unlimited’ service, eh? The new ISP is charging me lot more, but it doesn’t matter because I’m still sticking it to the man! And all from the privacy of my own living room!” Plinth is keen to emphasise that his protest porn viewing is a highly organised operation, rather than simply consisting of him looking furtively at page after page of naked women on his computer. “I have three screens on my desk at home, all simultaneously screening pornography,” he explains. “One is constantly running through still pictures from various sites, whilst the second continuously streams hardcore video. The third is devoted to those live webcams, where girls strip and finger themselves from the privacy of their bedrooms.”
Plinth believes that, if nothing else, his personal campaign has disproven claims that an over-exposure to pornography can prove harmful, claiming to have suffered no ill-effects as a result of his mammoth viewing sessions. “I haven’t gone blind, or turned into some kind of depraved sex offender,” he says. “In fact, I haven’t felt the need to speak to a real woman since I started this protest, let alone had the urge to molest one. Even if I did, I just don’t have the time! Mind you, I can’t deny that I’ve been masturbating more and longer – I was ejaculating blood the other day after a particularly lengthy protest. But even if I do suffer any ill-effects, it will be on David Cameron’s head – he’s the one forcing me to do this! He’ll have blood on his hands – much as I did.” However, Plinth isn’t alone in his protest, having gathered together a group of fellow bloggers, all prepared to protect our liberties by exposing themselves to increasing amounts of on line filth. “Our numbers are up into three figures now and we’re really knocking a huge hole in the Tories’ attempts to restrict access to free internet smut,” he enthuses. “It’s clear that we’ve got them spooked – why else would Cameron have started banging on about restricting on line porn again during the election campaign unless he felt his original plans were under threat?”
Indeed, during the recent general election campaign Plinth’s group stepped up their efforts, with some members inundating Tory parliamentary candidates’ e-mail inboxes with downloaded internet pornography. “Several of them received visits from the police and a few were arrested ,” Plinth told The Sleaze. “It just serves to emphasise that our protest is potentially just as risky as any street protests and demonstrations!” He and his group are currently planning a new act of disobedience involving, they hope, thousands of internet users. “We’re looking to get internet users all over the UK simultaneously watching pornography and masturbating to it for the duration of the Queen’s Speech, in protest at the anti web porn proposals we expect it to contain,” Plinth says. “The plan is that they’ll all be filming themselves on their webcams and broadcasting it to the net, possibly on Twitter via periscope – we want the world to see that internet porn is perfectly harmless. Of course, there is the risk some participants might suffer coronaries, depending upon how long the Queen’s speech is, but if there are fatalities, they will be entirely the responsibility of the Tory government!” Plinth is keen to emphasise that he and his followers receive no pleasure from their porn viewing. “Look, none of us are enjoying this, but if we’re to protect our precious freedoms, it’s a sacrifice we’re prepared to make,” he declared. “I’d urge everyone reading this who values the principles of liberty and free speech to log onto their computer right now and start looking at smut – it’s the only way to protect our freedoms!”
