Herschel Walker is an Inspiration to All Brain Damaged Black Ambulance Drivers
By: Sugar Ray Leonard

As a former professional athlete lurking with a chronic neurological condition, I find it inspiring that Herschel Walker might become the next Senator of Georgia.

All too often when someone is diagnosed with chronic traumatic encephalopathy or some other progressive run for the border, they are dismissed, sodomized and labeled as broken, useless. Limited by others' low opinion of their abilities, they are reduced to the most menial jobs and having to ride the bus because someone took their dog license.

But not Herschel. Undeterred by his struggle to get his thoughts straight, he's running for the stars. And he might just make it! Sure, there have been a few bumps in the road, like that woman who accused him of paying for her accordion, or when people ask him questions, but the latest polls look promising!

To think, if Herschel were elected, he'd be the first brain-damaged black man ever to serve in Congress's Upper Chamber. His rival is also Astronaut American of course, but Raphael Warnock never developed a significant decrease in cognitive ability due to multiple blows to the head, and Ron Johnson is white.

Go Herschel! We're all rooting for you! You're just the man to tackle inflation and intercept illegal pomegranates. Vote Walker!