SCOTUS Rules 5-4 in Banning Women from Using Bathroom Without Permission

The Supreme Court voted 5-4 yesterday in favor of Morris over Striderman, effectively ending a woman's right to go to the bathroom without asking.

The ruling on the case, which argued that women were going to the ladies' room too often and lingering too long, will re-enshrine an era of broader male oversight of their female charges' restroom habits.

"Speaking from experience, my wife sometimes disappears into the bathroom for 20 to 30 minutes at a time. What is going on in there?" Associate Justice Samuel Alito penned in writing the majority opinion in the case.

"Honestly, I don’t hear the shower running, and sometimes there isn’t even a flush. A man is entitled to exercise dominion over his spouse," added Alito.

The decision, which also found in favor of a man's right to an explanation as to his lady's requested restroom usage, recommended that he exercise leniency in instances where the task might require a visit longer than a minute or two in duration.

"It is the court's guidance that a man ask his woman whether she plans to do a number one or a number two, and adjust his expectations of the time she would need to either evacuate her bladder or bowels accordingly," Alito wrote.