Looks Like I Picked the Wrong Week to Start Menstruating!
By: Olivia Parker

Do you know what a period is? How about a supply chain? Because I sure do!

Now, if you'd asked me those two questions about 48 hours ago, I would've said the dot that you put at the end of a sentence, and, I don't know, the thing my dad wraps around the freezer to keep my brother from eating all the bagel dogs. But now, boy oh boy…

Looks like I picked the wrong week to start menstruating!

Turns out a period is also a thing that makes it look like you pooed your pants full of blood during band practice and that a supply chain is something that prevents you from being able to buy the thing that keeps you from having to go around looking like your butt's bleeding.

Meanwhile, my mother (who admits to her flagrant negligence in explaining about all this earlier, but claims she thought I was still too young) says she doesn't need these things anymore and therefore doesn't have them, which apparently puts her in the same club as CVS, Rite Aid, Wal-Mart, Wal-Greens, Target, Target Express, Ralphs, Vons and Albertsons, all because the President of China would rather shut down his whole flipping economy than accept non-Chinese vaccines that actually work – or so my dad says.

Anyhoo, I guess its going to be a long couple of more days shoving paper towels down my shorts. Thanks a lot Xi Jinping!