Canadian Truckers Add DUI Reform, NATO Ban from Ukraine to List of Demands

Emboldened by the relaxation of COVID restrictions across the country, Canadian truckers have added to their list of demands changes to provincial DUI laws and a guarantee from NATO to never expand into Ukraine before they will agree to end blockades currently choking Ottawa and several key bridges into the United States.

Calling the demands 'a matter of protecting freedoms', the truckers decried laws restricting the operation of motor vehicles by motorists who are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, as well as the continued encroachment of the West into the former Soviet Eastern Bloc.

"First of all, if you want your new curtain rods and yoga pants to cross half of Canada in less than 24 hours, I'm going to need to smoke some meth. Also, we want NATO to stay the hell out of Ukraine," one trucker said.

Many American truckers echoed the sentiments of their northern neighbors, reflecting the growing affinity amongst much of the working class for authoritarian regimes over their own democratic governments in the interest of getting what they want.

"Who says Putin can't invade Ukraine? Or that Donald Trump can't seat his own electors? What is this, a communist country?" an American trucker posted on NewsMax. "Also, why can't I have a few beers while I'm driving? That's b***s***."

As of press time, self-driving trucks remain a few years away.