See? I Told You So
By: An Agoraphobic Woman

As an agoraphobic woman watching Coronavirus spread around the world these last few months, I've experienced a variety of emotions. Sadness, of course, over all the lives lost. Anxiousness, naturally, at how many more will get sick and how long this nightmare will last. But also one more. One more that up to now, out of politeness, I've refrained from divulging but can hold back no longer. One that can be pretty much summed up by one expression:

"I TOLD YOU SO!!!"

I'm sorry, I don't mean to gloat. There's nothing worth taking any sort of satisfaction from here. I do have to ask, however, what the hell were you people thinking?! Did you not notice the terrorists flying airplanes into buildings? Or the mass shooters taking numbers down at the mall? And now there's a damn death virus eating your lungs. I mean, come on.

Honestly, the world is just not a safe place. I see it every day on TV. Serial killers, drunk drivers, sharks, you name it. Oh, and have you seen the latest? Murder hornets! That's right, FUCKING MURDER HORNETS!!! I shit you not!

Maybe you should try reading a newspaper sometime. You'd be shocked (and terrified!). Last year, a crane fell over, crushing everything in sight, and once an entire city block just blew up for no apparent reason. Kaboom.

Seriously, you'd have to be nuts to go out. Nuts and crazy, like most people, all driving around drunk raping and killing each other. It's madness. Sheer madness. And now, this death virus. Well, you can count me out.