Unaborted Fetus Kills Mother, Wounds Four

A baby killed his mother and wounded four others before being put under arrest by police during its delivery at St. Jude's Memorial Hospital in Little Rock, Arkansas yesterday.

According to hospital spokesman Gary Templeton, the seven-pound, eight-ounce child shot his way out of his mother's uterus prior to engaging in a firefight with his obstetrician and police officers already at the scene.

"We knew this would be a high-risk delivery. In addition to being armed, pre-natal tests revealed that this child would be born with extreme sociopathic and narcissistic tendencies, making him extremely dangerous," Templeton said.

Templeton went on to remark that the incident could likely have been prevented if not for a state law that bans all late-term abortions.

"We knew this kid was trouble. If we'd been allowed to get the drop in him, we could have yanked him out of there before he had a chance to get a single shot off," Templeton said.

Still, the nation's latest mass shooting have not moved members of the conservative majority that comprises Arkansas' government, even with it being perpetrated by a seconds-old infant.

"Not only should the lives of all children be protected, but their Second Amendment Rights should be protected as well," Arkansas State Senator Rupert Davis proclaimed. "Which is why I am introducing a bill on the Senate floor this very afternoon that will legalize the open carry of firearms for all citizens of The Natural State, regardless of creed, mental condition or age."