Dow Jones Slips into 'Rape and Pillage' Market

The Dow Jones slipped into rape and pillage territory today after another volatile trading session that saw the index plummet over 2,400 points.

Having already dipped into a bear market late last month, the Dow seemed to be staging a rally this morning when it gained nearly 200 points in early trading - before dropping a precipitous 2,600 points in the afternoon, triggering Wall Street's first rape and pillage market in 90 years.

"We've been teetering on the brink now for a few weeks, but today's sell-off is a clear signal to investors that it's time to light their torches and just go all fucking ape shit crazy," Merrill Lynch Analyst Lou Barnes remarked.

"Grab a brick and throw it through your neighbor's window. Burn down The Olive Garden. Let's light this mother fucker up," Barnes advised.

Motley Fool's Gordon McDavid echoed Barnes's assessment.

"Considering the prevailing climate of global economic headwinds and rising interest rates, I feel that it's well past time that I have my way with my neighbor's daughter and smash his house up with a bat," McDavid said.

McDavid did however go on to endorse an unspecified Canadian cannabis stock whose ticker symbol readers could receive simply by signing up for The Motley Fool newsletter.