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Trump Pens New Bible Passages to Justify Migrant Family Separations Attorney General Jeff Sessions today once again turned to The Bible when pressed with more heated questions regarding the Trump Administration's policy of separating the children of men and women caught attempting to illegally cross into The United States - this time however to a series of passages that have heretofore never existed. "And then Jesus came down from Jerusalem and said, 'Let thee who have trespassed these borders everyone knows were drawn fair and square to be held in different department stores until they are shipped back to wherever the hell they came from'," Sessions read aloud from an open book. "Also, let there be a big beautiful wall to keep them from coming back again as well as a terrific new Space Force that will dominate the heavens, Jesus also mentioned," Sessions continued to recite. "No law of man shall restrict the mining of coal and gravel in national parks, so sayeth Paul and George," Sessions went on. "Also, there was no collusion with Russia," he concluded, finally. "Amen." Asked where in The Bible he was reading from, the Attorney General replied, "About halfways toward the back," before challenging members of the press to check any future publishings of the Good Book if they didn't believe him. |
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