My Darling, Please Accept This Giant Ziploc Bag Full of My Semen
By: Governor Irving Morris

As a lifelong politician who has faithfully served Oklahoma from the state capitol to the US Congress and now as Governor these past 7 years, I'm nothing if not in tune with the prevalence of new trends. The Me-too movement, for example. #Time'sUp. I get it and am in full support.

That being said, I'd like to present to you, my darling, this jumbo-size Ziploc bag of my own semen which I have been accumulating over these past six months.

Please, my dove. My sweet rose. Don't cringe. This is not what you might think. This large bag of bodily fluid I hold in my hand represents my adoration for you. My undying love. You see, ever since you walked through that door a bashful 20 year-old intern last Summer until today, as you sit here a confident and mature 21 year-old woman, I have preserved every ejaculate I have produced thinking about you while masturbating.

Which is to say has been all of them. The night after hours I caught you leaning against the copier pleasuring yourself around your silky black panties, for instance. Or the time we made love in the debris field of my wife's shredded body after I put her through a wood chipper.

Please sit, my angel. I can see from your face that you're excited. I also notice from this angle that you bear a certain resemblance to my daughter when she was your age. That's nice. You've certainly blossomed into a lovely young woman.

Here, let me recite a poem I've written for you:

Two hearts entwined, beating as one, ignites a flicker of flame. Burning. Fire. The wind fans our love... whispers our names. Irving, Britney... Sitting on my face, your warm bunghole smothers my-

Hey, where are you going?!