LaVar Ball: “I’m the Last Targaryen”

LaVar Ball, first of his glorious name, has borne a “heavy burden” for far too long, and may the Balls grant him the strength to carry it.

In an emotional (mostly on our end) and entirely exclusive interview, Lord Ball, after much soul-searching, revealed a very intimate and personal detail of his life that he decided he could never not go public with:

“I am the last Targaryen.”

At that moment a cold wind blew in from the north and made the trees rustle like living things. Our key grip annoyingly noted that someone opened a window at that moment, but he’s also an idiot.

“I know I’ve said a lot of things in the past,” Lord Ball admitted. “And I know that, technically, I’m saying something now because words are coming out of my mouth; but I’m not just saying things to say them. You know what I’m sayin’?”

Amidst the din of clamoring criticisms rising in the YouTube comments section, LaVar maintained his kingly composure.

“Let the naysayers say their nays – I am who I am,” he maintained. “There’s no more doubting or denying it. I’ve played the jester for far too long, and now I must play the King. Hear this: no queen of fire and ice,” Lord Ball said, rousing himself, “and certainly no bastard son of the North can lay claim to the throne that’s rightfully mine–the only throne made for Balls.”

King Ball, a man once ostracized from the media for over ten minutes, a man once vilified for quote-unquote oversharing, a man once deemed unfit to wear the heavy crown of fame, now reaches for another, far weightier crown so that he may begin his ascent upon those chaotic rungs of power and be the last to play…

The Game of Balls.