Americans Prepare to Observe Final Thanksgiving

With the fourth Thursday of November upon us, millions of American households will sit down to observe their final Thanksgiving this week.

"It'll be sad, but it's Thanksgiving, right?" one American remarked. "You gotta do it. You got to. One last time."

The latest of the last of one of the world's more noble traditions, America's Thanksgiving maintained a consecutive celebration streak of nearly 400 years while inspiring similar holidays all around the world.

"Thanksgiving was great. But life was great, wasn't it? All those times we had. The laughing and the loving," one woman said. "Oh, Christ. I don't want to die."

Indeed, the ultimate nature of this year's feast day appears to be having a dampening effect on people's spirits, many of whom are planning on making it their last on Earth.

"It's for their own good," one woman, speaking on condition of anonymity, spoke of her plan to baste her turkey with a deadly solution of potassium cyanide.

"We'll have our last meal, then fall asleep. Together. Forever," she said.