Scientists Flock to Latest Conspiracy Theory: "Fast Food Bad for You"

An increasing number of scientists now support the theory that fast food and not exercising are bad for you, further substantiating that such claims are false.

Referencing studies they themselves designed to correlate essential nutrients such as saturated fat, sodium and sugar with poor health and disease, scientists are usually paid by conspirators looking to advance the profit motives of certain concerns, in this case likely those of Big Fruit, Big Yoga Pants, and the personal trainer industry.

"Whose to say things like cholesterol and salt are even unhealthy?" questioned Wendy's franchise owner Michael Pelfry. "They claim they cause heart attacks and strokes, but who's to say those things are even necessarily bad? My aunt Gloria had a stroke, and she was much more pleasant afterward."

According to the Obesity Inaction Coalition, obesity is in fact a genetic condition not caused by diet or lifestyle choices.

"We're just big boned," OIC spokeswoman Stephanie Knox remarked.

Meanwhile, scientists at McDonald's prestigious Hamburger University in Oak Brook, Illinois have released their own study that ties good health with deliciousness.

"Our taste buds tell us what's best for us, and nothing tastes better than a Big Mac and french fries," HU's Dr. Hashbrown McGriddles explained. "Now that's science."