Trump Volunteers Push to Turn Out Hermit Vote

Eager to tip the election in their candidate's favor, hundreds of Donald Trump volunteers have taken to the backwoods to turn out the hermit vote.

Combing the interior of such crucial swing states as Florida, Ohio and North Carolina, the workers put in long hours despite the various challenges facing the door-to-door operation of engaging the solitarian community – many of whom, by their very nature, are difficult to locate and often lack doors.

"Most of these people literally haven't spoken to another human being for years, so communication can be a problem, but if you can get past that, it's amazing how strongly their opinions on everything from political corruption to the dangers of pasteurized milk resonate with Trump's message to make America great again," one worker remarked.

Accounting for less than 5% of the electorate in Florida and just 1% in North Carolina, the hermit vote can still be vital, Trump workers claim.

"They might be a small minority, but they could very well make the difference," one stated. "These are proud, honest people who strongly value their independence and 2nd Amendment rights, and will shoot to kill anyone who steps within 100 yards of their shacks."

Another volunteer described her experience interacting with the historically underrepresented reclusive demographic.

"It's kind of funny, but I think these people just want to be heard and have real concerns," she said. "For instance about how the government uses disposable batteries to control your mind and are putting chemicals in the water that turn kids gay."