Northern, Southern Border Fences Appear to be Encircling South, Midwest

Twin fences purportedly intended to protect the nation's borders with Canada and Mexico appear to be swinging inward and upward in a manner that has many residents of the nation's Southern and Midwestern states worried.

"That's ridiculous," Homeland Security spokesman Trevor Pearce laughed at the suggestion that the Mexico-US border fence, which now extends all the way to the Carolina coast, has started snaking upwards along Texas's western border - possibly to meet a northerly fence simultaneously wrapping itself around the Dakotas and the western bank of the Mississippi River in a pincer movement designed to envelop and cut the region off from the rest of the US.

"Amputating this portion of the country like an infected limb would serve no benefit, as they are in no way impeding the nation's growth or hindering its evolution," Pearce remarked.

Still, many Americans claim to have already been affected by the ever-lengthening fence, including millions of motorists who have been forced to abandon their cars on hopelessly congested Interstates that span the affected areas.

"I had to ditch a load back west of Glenrio," a trucker described his experience with a road closure along the I-40 at New Mexico's eastern border. "These huge road crews showed up, blocking the highway with flashing lights and big trucks, and the next thing I know, these guys are putting a fence up right across the middle of the road."

Pearce dismissed the account.

"The work being done on highways such as the 40, the 10, the 70 and 85 are all unscheduled federal reconstruction projects – improvements that are putting America's tax dollars to use," he said. "Not that we get any tax dollars from any of those states."