War on Christmas: Fierce Fighting Continues at Santagrad
In what many military experts have deemed the most pivotal battle in the War on Christmas, Christian forces remain under bloody siege in Santagrad.
After suffering heavy early losses and a failed defense of the Gingerbread Railroad that has since reduced many of its faithful to subsisting entirely on fig pudding and fruitcake airlifted to them by their grandparents, the Christian soldiers have still managed to repulse all attempts by the secular and non-Christian armies to breach the city's interior beyond Candy Cane Lane.
"We will fight to the last man to keep Christ in Christmas, and we will prevail - no matter how many gross fruitcakes we have to eat," Christian General Joseph Marshall proclaimed.
At the heart of the stalemate, control of the power substation responsible for lighting Santagrad's central Christmas tree has changed hands ten times, leaving the Noble Fir to flicker as remnants of the 5th Methodist Army battle a legion of Agnostic Humanists in the western suburbs.
Intense combat has also raged for three days surrounding a manger scene in Santagrad's Little Bethlehem District as Christian soldiers and civilians alike defend the Baby Jesus against a Muslim horde.
"Not a step back!" Marshall voiced the slogan of the Christian Army. "There is no land behind the Donner!" |