God Pairs Woman with Obese Sociopath through ChristianSingles.com

MT. PLEASANT, NC - 23 years of patient chastity and faith were rewarded for local single Meagan Goldschmidt this week when God appointed her a male partner through ChristianSingles.com.

After "hooking up" on the popular dating site, Goldschmidt says she first met her man, 27 year-old overweight sociopath Jefferey Hoff, at a Subway restaurant in Pioneer Creek.

"Jefferey is certainly a unique individual," Goldschmidt remarked. "He probably wouldn't have been my first choice, but it wasn't as if Tim Tebow was answering any of my phone calls."

Goldschmidt says that after 5 days of trying to get to know Hoff better that she's relatively certain she'll be able to tolerate him for a lifetime.

"Jefferey enjoys roast beef sandwiches, fantasy football and collecting photographs of children," Goldschmidt said. "I'm more of a cooked food by candlelight kind of girl, but I do love children and want to have lots of my own, so I guess that's a match."

Hoff, who is currently unemployed and considers himself "the one and true disciple" of Jesus, is eagerly anticipating his eternal union with Goldschmidt.

"She shall serve me well," he said.