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Ann Coulter, Trying to Top Self, Agrees to Pose for Playboy

Interviewed in her Manhattan apartment Coulter admitted that lately it had become harder and harder to gratuitously shock people. 'The trouble is, the GOP right wing has already occupied the best ridiculous positions, like letting people without health insurance die in the streets, so that by the time I get round to them they’re already old asshat.'

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Nose Picking In Your Car Now A Class 3 Felony In Five States

Governor Walker admits he knew this would not be one of his most popular pieces of legislation. 'I got together with some other local Governors and we all decided that this needed to happen. I was elected by the people to protect and serve. Not to be popular. This is in the best interest of the health of our people and frankly it will eliminate one of the most disgusting acts I can think of. Nothing will go fully into…

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Judge Declares Fast-Food Jobs Not Real; Industry Turns Existential

'If there's no job, then there's no meal. And if there's no meal, how could it possibly be a 'happy' one? What is happiness, after all??' he asked.

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Pfizer, Walmart, Apple Claim Religious Objection to Paying Taxes

Exxon Mobil announced that it had religious objections to cleaning up oil spills. It also announced that, as a person, it would appreciate it if people would be courteous enough to hold the door for it when it was rushing to get on the elevator. It added that it was fairly certain that some people actually punched the 'close doors' button just to prevent it from getting on.

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Real Life Comes to Sudden, Poorly Resolved End

'So Aubrey's walking along one day and, whamo! She just gets flattened by a bus? That's pretty lame,' remarked Burkhart's friend Laura Sanders, 'I mean, what about her rekindled romance with Matt? Or her dream of becoming an interior decorator?'

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A SELECTION OF OUR MOST PRESTIGIOUS AWARDS


Welcomed as a fellow cynic by the Anti Horoscopes League at the Anti Horoscopes Convention, Moscow, 2014
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Aquarian Prediction Involving An Automobile Of The Year 2013
Web Newspaper Critics Choice Award for Most Nonchalant Predictions

Humor Times

Accompanied by smirks, sniggers, nervous laughter and rolled eyes, single-entendre deflated ball jokes have become epidemic. By Michael Egan, Humor Times.

The Adobo Chronicles

It gets rid of the Roman Numerals.

The Red Shtick

On a very special episode of The Red Shtick Podcast, Jeremy and Knick help Sunny finally explore the concept of (not) feeling like an adult. They also discuss penis assassination.

mouthfrog

"The terror faction will assert that it was a Jihadist ball boy who infiltrated his way into the New England Patriots organization and deflated 11 of the 12 footballs in question during the AFC Championship game."

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