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Pfizer, Walmart, Apple Claim Religious Objection to Paying Taxes

Exxon Mobil announced that it had religious objections to cleaning up oil spills. It also announced that, as a person, it would appreciate it if people would be courteous enough to hold the door for it when it was rushing to get on the elevator. It added that it was fairly certain that some people actually punched the 'close doors' button just to prevent it from getting on.

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Ann Coulter, Trying to Top Self, Agrees to Pose for Playboy

Interviewed in her Manhattan apartment Coulter admitted that lately it had become harder and harder to gratuitously shock people. 'The trouble is, the GOP right wing has already occupied the best ridiculous positions, like letting people without health insurance die in the streets, so that by the time I get round to them they’re already old asshat.'

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Nose Picking In Your Car Now A Class 3 Felony In Five States

Governor Walker admits he knew this would not be one of his most popular pieces of legislation. 'I got together with some other local Governors and we all decided that this needed to happen. I was elected by the people to protect and serve. Not to be popular. This is in the best interest of the health of our people and frankly it will eliminate one of the most disgusting acts I can think of. Nothing will go fully into…

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Judge Declares Fast-Food Jobs Not Real; Industry Turns Existential

'If there's no job, then there's no meal. And if there's no meal, how could it possibly be a 'happy' one? What is happiness, after all??' he asked.

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Real Life Comes to Sudden, Poorly Resolved End

'So Aubrey's walking along one day and, whamo! She just gets flattened by a bus? That's pretty lame,' remarked Burkhart's friend Laura Sanders, 'I mean, what about her rekindled romance with Matt? Or her dream of becoming an interior decorator?'

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Headlines - 11/26/2014

The Red Shtick

An automated Twitter account portraying a perpetually horny young woman just isn't feeling its usual, super hot, sexy self today.

CAP News

Mark Zuckerberg said the "rather non-dyslexic friendly" 104-key qwerty keyboard was a main reason why he shut down the site just six months after launching it.

The Dandy Goat

In the wake of a grand jury’s decision not to indict Officer Darren Wilson in the shooting death of Michael Brown, hundreds of citizen investigators have descended on this city in eastern Missouri in a desperate bid to uncover evidence that might compel the district attorney to prosecute.

mouthfrog

"The green olive gets put into a clear glass container and the black olive into an aluminum can with no light."

The World's Voice of Reason

"Not dressed for jumping are we little man?"

Broken World News

#AlSharpton #MSNBC #PoliticsNation

The Adobo Chronicles

Set clocks forward 24 hours.

Wear Your Cape

"Saving lives," elaborated Bush 43.

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