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Golly gee! What is it with people?! Its the same at my house! Flies everywhere because no one can keep the jaywalking screen door closed! And its not that hard! You walk out the door and you shut it behind you! How complicated is that?! It takes two seconds!
Appearing before the same judge who rebuffed his attempt to scrap as many as 700,000 votes from the Keystone State's tallies last week, Rudy Giuliani cited an 18th century law to justify his claim.
Angered by years of imprudent, reckless decisions, a man's immune system launched an assault on his brain this week after he contracted COVID-19 at a bowling alley.
SALT LAKE CITY, Utah--Speaking today at the Favored Children's Conference at Brigham Young University, Our Heavenly Father shed light on a topic that has been heavily debated over the past decade: how effective are thoughts and prayers? The remarks came in response to comments during a panel on plagues, when a young woman began her…
After weeks of staving off gossip of their having split, the octopus guy from "My Octopus Teacher" confirmed today that he and his mollusk fiance have called it quits.



































































 
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TOKYO, Japan (The Adobo Chronicles, Tokyo Bureau) - Today, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) made a stunning announcement. Beginning in 2024, the Olympics will include a new sport: knitting! Initially, Olympic knitting will include three divisions: Bonnet Division, Classic Sweater Division, and the Table Runner Division. Medals will be awarded to athletes who could finish…
That's what happens when we don't stop apologizing. St. Augustine gives way to a pink-haired fourth-wave feminist writing about the oppressiveness of her menstrual cycle.
Confirming expectations that escalating global infection rates would deter him from making his usual holiday gift-giving rounds, St. Nick remarked via Twitter that his decision was not difficult.
(ATLANTA, GA)--Dr. Inger Damon with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced earlier today that recent computer models warn of a new surge of COVID-19 variants, and that if it were real and still existed, the town of Mayberry would have already been wiped out by the dreaded disease. Dr. Damon warns that the…
Was UK's post-Brexit fishing deal actually negotiated by Larry the Downing Street cat? Allegations of fish-fetishism at highest levels of government abound as ministers face fish-based attacks from angry fishermen. Military action threatened as 'British' fish defect to EU waters.
Parents who spank their children could benefit from a short-term reduction in stress levels, new research shows.
































































 
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TUCSON, AZ - A flaming dumpster made an appearance at Tucson International Airport this afternoon, serving as the centerpiece of a mass gathering designed apparently to spread COVID-19 to as many Arizonians as possible.
President-elect Biden, sensitive to questions about his age and fragility, told reporters, “I used to drive weekends at local NASCAR events while I attended that HBCU in, uh, Delaware.”
If you call tech support these days, you get a menu of three choices: Some chappie with a rogan-josh Indian accent telling you, "My name is Brian"; or a low rider who talks faster than his relatives run when they're caught stealing electricity; or some Vietnamese ex-hooker who calls you "Feel," when your real name is Phil.
Convicted of the rape and murder of a white woman abducted from outside a Woolworth's in 1934, Kirby Jones claims that he was nowhere near the store in question that day.



































































 
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One week after comparing requirements for members of Congress to wear masks on the chamber floor to the Holocaust, Georgia Representative Marjorie Taylor Green likened the American Dental Association's recommendation of flossing at least once a day with Stalin-era purges.
































































 
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The state of Texas rescinded a controversial new abortion law today after a study showed that a majority of the babies it would save would likely grow up to vote Democrat.
































































 
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WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - Surging coronavirus cases in many areas of the United States may make it unwise to hold large family gatherings at Thanksgiving this year, particularly if elderly relatives or out-of-state travel are involved, Anthony S. Fauci, the nation’s top infectious-disease expert, told “CBS Evening News” on Wednesday. “You may have…
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles, New York Bureau) - As the entire country of America is in a somber mood because Thanksgiving cannot be celebrated in the same tradition citizens are used to due to the coronavirus pandemic, The New York Times heralded a surprise fact about President-elect Joe Biden. In a headline…
A collection of photographs featuring celebrities not wearing makeup shocked and sickened thousands before being taken down this morning.

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