Check Please!
Doctors always say things like "watch that cholesterol." They are unwarrantedly suspicious and overtly vigilante over an entire group. It's profiling!
1. Because he wants them to (vampires suffer from Oppositional Undeadfiance Disorder). 2. You need at least a 100 IQ to be turned, no exceptions (well, except Tom Cruise and Robert Pattinson). Vampires, as a rule, won’t turn children (so Trump’s 0 for 2). 3. No creature preternatural or otherwise would want to listen to Trump for…
Tweet Tower—One of the two presidentially pardoned turkeys is back in the news today. A day after their pardoning ceremony, one of the turkeys, Peas, sent a short and pointed note to the president. After the Feds determined the white powder on the envelope was only meth, the note was handed to President Trump. In a gesture…
You’re talking to the guy who read a few passages from Aristotle’s “Poetics,” but also read the Wikipedia summary several times.
New CBI guidelines have been issued designed to help ease the anxiety experienced by 98.8% of City of London office workers when having to share a lift with strangers or colleagues. Brian Payne, a completely self-centered futures trader, is just one typical case. ‘I hate getting into a lift with anyone as I never know...
by Humor Times.If they succeed, we lose: they get less competition, and will raise prices, and we get stuck with their lousy service and slowest-in-the-world internet speeds. Help support small internet provider companies by contacting the FCC ... Read moreGiant Telecoms Trying to Wipe Out the Small Internet Provider: You’ll PaySubscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format. Pick up a copy at Barnes & Noble and other stores all over the U.S.
Oslo, NO—The Nobel Committee’s announcement of two joint winners in physics this year triggered a huge explosion in Oslo today. The  ‘winners’, a man from the U.S. and a woman from Canada, are still missing at this hour and presumed quantumly entangled. The explosion frightened many across a huge swath of the region. Along with some seismic aftershocks the event caused Maxwell’s Demon to shave Schrodinger’s…
Creating a family is one of the most vital steps in life for every man. It is easy when you have the right woman for that. But what if you don’t? Where to find her? Modern society lacks time for…Read more Finding A Great Woman Online: Is It Possible? ›
I plan to do great work today. Just as soon as I...check Instagram to see if that guy posted more dumb pictures of that thing he thinks is cool.
by Paul Lander.Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything ... Read moreRipping the Headlines Today, 11/20/18Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format. Pick up a copy at Barnes & Noble and other stores all over the U.S.
Brap brap! More funny cartoons from Up Chuck! Be sure to share ’em… It really helps our Google juice! — Wallace BUSINESS AS USUAL! The Donald finds himself with a tricky task… GOING TO WORK! Oh dear… What’s going on?!
Listen to these smooth, dulcid tones and before you know it you’ll be thinner, cuter, and more attractive, even if just to yourself… yeah, it’s mostly yourself. That’s okay too. Tell us in the comments what you’d like us to…Read more Weight Loss Hypnosis for Free, if that’s the Sort of Humbug you’re into ›
Supplements are filled with patented-yet-unpronounceable ingredients originally designed to make racehorses faster and more prone to heart attacks.
What my blogvesary, Pokey McDooris, fails to understand about the recent FBI ‘scandals’ is how our leaders have, and always will have, a little more leeway than your average Joe. A Hillary Clinton, or anyone of her stature from either political party, will never go down for a few questionable email exchanges. Whereas I cover crimes that warrant a military firing…
Walnutport, PA – Political newcomer and long-shot candidate for Pennsylvania’s 7th congressional district, Rona De Maritius (D-PA), on Tuesday, announced plans to introduce a controversial piece of legislation in the House, should she emerges victorious in next week’s midterm election.…Read more Long-Shot Candidate Proposes Four Ball Legislation to Counter Unfair Three Strikes Law ›
My friend thinks Democrats are the main racists in today’s society as well as in the past. So liberals are secretly the alt-right, tiki-torch wielding hate mongers? Too bad that laundromat was closed on may way to Charlottesville. [Sheet out-of-luck joke removed by the editor.] What fun house mirror are you snorting PCP off of? Your trip down racism…
by Will Durst.It’s a hoary old chestnut, but this midterm election may really be the most important of our lifetime. It’s such a hoary old chestnut, the phrase should be roasting on an open fire right about ... Read moreThe Midterm InterventionSubscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format. Pick up a copy at Barnes & Noble and other stores all over the U.S.

Since 2003, HumorFeed has been the web's best independent satire news and humor news hub. Our content is provided by an association of carefully selected writers, dedicated to providing some of the best and sharpest material online.

The web's best network of satire news sites
Bending the news until it breaks!


Get today's toon from