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by James Israel.‘We’d rather deal with the devil we know for another four years than risk a Trump or Clinton presidential calamity with this election.’ – Sen. Mitch McConnell. In a stunning turn of events, the Republican party has made a historic offer to the Democrats: Work with them to cancel this year’s presidential election, and they [more...]Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.
Cleveland, OH—High school sophomore, Josh Milgram, drank three Mad Dog 20/20s during a class field trip and decided he wanted to walk along the railing at the Cleveland Zoo’s seal enclosure. Within a few yards he fell face first onto some rocks, directly amongst a family of ravenous seals. Mr. Milgram brandished his corn dog and began making…
Following the turmoil caused by the UK voting to leave the EU, officials have decided to award the job of running the organisation to Sky. A Sky spokesman explained that they were "terribly pleased to be awarded the multi-million Euro contract" and they outlined their proposals.

"We intend to package up the various parts of the EU. For example there will be the free trade package, the freedom of movement package and the monetary unification package. Governments can elect to buy into any or all packages," he said, before confirming that "BT still has the European sport package, but we're work
The postage wouldn’t stop coming and my uncle moved us into a motel, but the wizarding world still found me.
Fellow Discord contributor Pokey McDooris had some thoughtful comments after my last feature—blatantly wrong, but thoughtful. At one point he implied how either a Trump or a Sanders vote signified a vote against the establishment. Whereas that is certainly true on some level, it’s like confusing apples to orangutans. Those two politicians represent either end of the political and evolutional spectrum. It’s like comparing the…
Brussels, BE—If the German Prime Minister, Angela Merkel, was trying to portray a strong and resolute European Union today, she did nothing of the sort. She arrived at the latest EU conference to discuss the details of The United Kingdom’s withdrawal carrying three boxes of Dunkin Donuts. Sweden, Finland, and Spain did not even get one as Merkel apparently…
President Donald Trump announced that under his leadership he fully expects the United States to finally exit the British Empire “within months”. The Colonies issued notice of intention to leave following a referendum in 1776, but negotiations have not proceeded as quickly as was expected, with many blaming the British Empire for playing hardball on...
What's so funny about old people? Watching them stave off death one workout at a time, they don't appreciate things like the Senior Menu, and more.
A 36 year old man is ‘determined’ to filter out extraneous information so that he can recall those parts of the weather forecast which might be relevant to his life. “I always intend to remember the forecast”, he told reporters, “but then it goes on and on about fronts in Northern Ireland and the overnight...
A Warrington man has agreed to finally wash a pan used for lasagne after only 8 days of soaking. The move comes after his wife threatened to leave. ‘Women don’t understand the value of thorough soaking’, explained the man. ‘She wanted me to scrub it clean using something called ‘elbow grease’. I’ve googled it and it doesn’t bloody exist’.
Sam Allardyce has been relieved of his duties with immediate effect after being unceremoniously dumped out of the World Cup, held in Russia. Pundits described Allardyce as being tactically naive and lacking a plan B, and for that matter a plan A. Work has begun on finding a new England manager for the 2020 European...
Zano’s recent reflections on our decade-plus debate showed some rare insights. What next, funny jokes? The causes of our nation’s polarization are many, but there’s more than meets the eye when it comes to our political divisions. I’ve recently come to the conclusion the ultra-powerful people in the world do prosper by keeping our nation divided. They do this by…
Debbie Wasserman-Schultz is “appalled”, but Bernie Sanders is “satisfied” with the decision.
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...
An Aberdeen man who posed for a selfie with an alleged hijacker says the skid marks found in his underpants by airport security guards were fake. Cypriot authorities said they found Mr.Innes had soiled his underwear following a routine medical examination but the former oil worker maintains he had shat his pants on purpose as...

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