Check Please!
America, the world’s oldest democracy, announced via Uncle Sam today that it was too aged and weak to defend itself any longer. “Can’t do it any more, I’m afraid,” the old fella gasped.
In a PIC exclusive heavenly interview, the Founding Fathers react to Donald Trump's rise to the White House.
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...
The dead body of a man who was notorious for bragging about ‘Dry January’, has been discovered in a large industrial tank of malting barley at a malt production facility in his home town of Fakenham. Adam Stone, 31, was last seen gazing longingly through the window of his local pub 48 hours before.
There is an old saying that “a country gets the leaders it deserves.” So what does that say about the United States and the choices it has made of late? It says that we are now a superficial, gullible people.
Indianapolis, IN—A semi-truck loaded with alternative facts slid off of route I-465 earlier today as a result of some slippery political conditions. The truck toppled and the trailer ripped open scattering endless conservative crapola all over the interstate. The incident caused two lane closures and may have triggered several nonsensical executive orders. The shipment of Alt-Facts was set to arrive at…
MPs of all parties have stated their ‘disappointment’ that the EU roaming charge decision hadn’t been made before the Article 50 vote. ‘If I’d known that roaming charges would be stopped I might have voted against the government,’ said Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, stating he often phoned ‘someone in Europe – or Russia, whatever’. Conservative...
I will dispel the pseudo-socialist notion that the Messiah is from the same place as Wilmer Valderrama by shout-typing my evidence in your face.
Airbnb CEO Brian Chesky told the Discord today that his company is in direct negotiations with the White House. The most successful peer-to-peer home rental company is now trying to partner with government for what they are describing as some prime unoccupied real estate. “When we think Trump appointees, we envision a lot of space,” said Chesky, “so why not…
For the first time in the history of Disney Productions, the company is developing a new animated feature using familiar Disney characters for political satire.
The so-called president tells editor, “I’m glad you report ‘faux news,’ not ‘fake news!'” Reporter: “Is it true you’re going to reinstate waterboarding?” Trump: “Yes, I think it’s the only way we can bring the truth to the American people. We will be waterboarding members of the press until they agree to stop reporting ‘fake news.'
What Michelle needs to realize is that I’m not here to waste my time. But until she texts back, that's exactly what I'll be doing.
A Saffron Walden man was said to be 'comfortable but traumatised' in hospital after a dogged attempt to stick to established norms and expectations of behaviour when in a public convenience.

Tony McGough, 34, entered the 3-urinal, 3 cubicle prefab on the High Street just after 2 pm on Wednesday. Opting for the far-left cubicle for a scheduled dump, McGough immediately began to back out when he found an unflushed shit in the pan along with considerable collateral skids on the sides of the porcelain.
Kidding. But seeing how he is the grandfather of polarization, we did tweak the cover for him a bit.
Debating the merits of the republican party is futile, because they don’t have any. Endlessly conveying to my blogvesary how discourse is dead has become, Ray Charles at a shooting range, aimless. Polarization has led us to this place of irreconcilable political differences. To his credit, Pokey saw this coming too. Whereas he blames liberalism for creating an immoral societal malaise, I place the…
WILLIAMSTOWN, KY – Televangelist Pat Robertson announced today that President Donald Trump is in fact “Jesus Christ Himself, come again, as He promised, to bring us all to Rapture and Saviority.”

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