Check Please!
Joyless and broken adults are calling for the latest kids’ craze to be banned along with any other tenuous reminder of those halcyon days and the carefree abandon of their own youth, it can be reported. Fidget spinners, small revolving toys which all children can use, are currently all the rage. ‘It’s the fun in...
Political depravity and other forms of moral depravity often go together. Senator Willow has a deeply unpleasant experience with the party establishment; but after being expelled from the party for her ‘unpatriotic’ and ‘idealistic,’ rejection of the immoral and corrupt war consensus, things are about to get even worse. Corruption has a thousand faces. And […]
Eon Productions, cashing in on Jeremy Corbyn’s recent success in the General Election, have announced that he will star as the popular British Secret Agent, James Bond, in an upcoming film. ‘We’re pretty excited about Jeremy coming on board for this production and look forward to an interpretation that will be at pace with modern...
If we slept together and haven't spoken in over two months, please throw my number in the trash. Otherwise, please refer to this guide for appropriate actions.
Faber College, PA—Skip “Skeeter” Mcyentire of Beta Alpha Lambda (BAL) is ready to take hazing to a more humiliating level with the addition of some built-in safeguards designed to protect his fraternity from any litigation. “All our activities come complete with waivers now, drawn up by our pre-law adviser and regular keg signer, Ted “Blotto” Freihoffer. “He’s been in pre-law for almost…
If you get stuck in a pose and you know you can't get out of it without queefing, simply stay in that pose for the rest of eternity.
This online animation series is hilarious! But a serious point first: Some of you will need to be careful though (depending on your background, e.g. nationality), and not share it on social media. This funny web series on the early days of the Quran and of Islam is potentially even more ‘offensive’ to blasphemy kooks […]
Would people describe you as: A) a creative free-thinker with an "outside the box" mentality, B) a process-oriented manager focused on the big picture, or C) a cranberry farmer?
Office workers have agreed that their smug 'gym-before-work' colleague will be viciously gagged, if he mentions his morning workout routine again. The proposed muzzling of 26 year-old new trainee, Ben Smith, follows endless daily boasts that he was performing deadlifts and squats before sunrise.
The rightwing aversion to truth is worsening and it’s spreading like a T-Virus at a Trump rally. Resident Drivel? The Foxeteers continue to shun the implications of any data, studies, or facts that contradict their ailing ideology. Valid data is fake science and valid points are fake news. Whereas conspiracy theories are abound on the left as well, liberal angst is still generally…
Hi, it’s Bobby Joe! Oink oink! Moo moo! Hey gimme back that beer money you asshole! Fur things and feathered things do be one kind of the ornippological phenomeninations in the glorious animal world. Bobby Joe knows it! Look at the parody!
Insiders have admitted that the Conservative Party ‘probably shouldn’t have used Easyjet’ to provide strategy advice over the last few years. ‘Admittedly they have a simple approach to problem solving,’ said a senior Tory today. ‘Want to stay in or leave the EU? Ask the public, they’ll know the right answer. ‘Want a mandate for...
Senator Bubble’s day had finally arrived. But most of all, it was America’s day! Wait… did I get that one the right way around? ‘Freakin’ straight on, Bubble!’ Alan roared. Bubble cleared his throat. He cleared his bowels, and then his throat again. Well, might as well make an effort, huh? ‘Alright, everybody!’ Bubble roared. […]
It frustrates you to know I get laid more than you. I have chicken legs and a cartoonish beer belly. I have a hooknose and my eyes are a bit too close together.
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...
Comey said just what they thought. It came as no surprise. “But do not tweet no matter what,” his lawyers did advise. So junior was the surrogate, who rolled out all the tweets as more news spread of Russiagate across the nation’s streets. The lawyer got the dates all wrong...
The bedside lamp flicked on once more. It had been on and off more these past ten hours than in the entire month just gone by. Or year? Who cares? I cannot count. These pitiful flesh-scrapings from a felled tree of these thousands; soggy-rank with tears, sodden with such wrong-ridden kind of ink, still doggedly […]
Washington, DC—Special Prosecutor, Robert Mueller, the man assigned to investigate President Trump’s possible obstruction of justice was last seen reluctantly entering a limousine outside of the downtown DC Hooters on 7th Street. Eye witnesses claim several of Trump’s security detail surrounded Mueller, while mindlessly chanting “make a America great again” over and over again. One passerby claims Mr. Mueller was…

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