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Sierra Vista, AZ—The Head of Homeland Incarceration, Sherriff Joe Aripio, is pleased to announce the opening of a Delaware-sized prison in the heart of the U.S. Sonaran desert. President Trump told the press today, “This is huge. No, really, it’s a big place. By allowing the free market to work we are shifting the management…
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...
Houston-based rockers Glennwood Johnson and His Exploding Knees, once described by Rolling Stone as "…a musical act," has declined due to moral concerns.
With the news, generally applauded by red-blooded Welshman, that sheep now outnumber the Welsh in Wales three to one, sheep have launched a campaign to gain political recognition.
Soon-to-be-President-for-life Donald J. Trump announced today that his first official act as President would be to rename the United States of America. “We’re going to make America great, again. Almost half the American people voted to make America great, again, and that’s what I’m..."
This is the Discord staff’s choice for the top 10 funniest movies of all time: 1.   Zoolander 2.   Zoolander 3.   Zoolander 2 4. Zoolander 5. Zoolander the Musical 6. Battle Beneath the Planet of Zoolander 7. The Zoolander Outtake Reel 8. Bride of Zoolander 9. I Was a Teenage Zoolander 10. Elf-lander Some of these have…
I wrote 36 reviews of new films in this bizarre year of 2016.  I can’t see all the new movies, nor do I want to. Then there are those that I’m not privy to see. Either they aren’t locally screened or a screener isn’t...
Jacob and Esther each found their soulmates, and they each happened to work at the same place as each other. Isn't God the best?
President Elect Donald Trump reassured his supporters over the recent allegations of a Russian Blackmail Sex Video, stating ‘there is no sex video —but if one did exist, it would be the best Blackmail Sex Video ever!’ He categorically denied that Russian prostitutes had pissed all over him in a Moscow Hotel: ‘There were no...
It was announced today the Inauguration of Donald Trump on Friday, January 20, will be transformed from a standard Inauguration into a Roast, to allow talent agents a fighting chance at securing quasi-big names at the last minute to perform at the event.
Under new legislation waiters are to provide wine glasses to diners who actually ask for wine, rather than preemptively placing glasses at each setting, only to recall them after the drinks order. “Turns out the current approach was inspired by a Viz Top Tip”, said a time and motion expert. “ ‘Don’t buy expensive address books....
Detective Jane Tennison is set to return to the small screen, this time ably assisted by an ‘Amazon Echo’ speaker. While Chief Inspector Tennison begins the laborious process of gathering witness statements, ‘Constable Echo’ will sit discreetly in suspect’s bedrooms recording all incriminating discussion, while offering free two-day shipping. The voice-controlled ‘Echo’ will mimic modern...
There’s still no shortage of election blame, not to mention tons of players, factors and conspiracy theories abound. Who’s fault is it? We have fake news, real news, voter turnout, voter suppression, Comey, Putin, Bernie, Weiner, and even Weiner’s weiner played its part. The perfect reality show. In the end, what matters is this: a…
Remember, every log you place on the fire would undoubtedly be screaming if it had a voice.
Oscar-winning actress Meryl Streep today announced her new film project, Kramer vs Flamer. The film tells the story of an Oscar-winning actress getting into a public dispute with an idiot who gets his jollies from posting extreme abuse on social media. Whilst most reviews praised Streep’s performance as “masterful”, one online reviewer calling himself @therealDonaldTrump...
Flagstaff,AZ—Spacebar,thefinalfrontier.OurspacebarhasbeenpermanentlydisabledbyRussianorTrumpianhackers.FYI:theyarethesamethingnow.Granted,itwillbedifficulttofunctionwithoutaspacebar,butwethediscordfeeltheshowmustgoon.CEOofTheDiscord,PierceWinslow,isinnegotiationswiththeincomingTrumpAdminsitrationtoresolvethecurrentfrictionbetweenthetwoentities.Mr.Winslowexplains,”Ifwecan’tgetanywherewiththesepeoplewemightstartusingcommasinsteadofspacesorthewordspace,bolded.(space)see?(space).It(space)could(space)work(space)in(space)a(space)pinch.(space).Thebig?is:willanyonehitreadmoretoday? Wow,yo
by Michael Egan.‘She just loves having her pussy grabbed by the President-Erect!’ Ivanka wept, referring to Donald’s new housemate, Pam Bondi. ‘It’s not fair! Waah!’  NYC – First Lady-Elect Princess Ivanka Trump burst into tears today after learning that knockout Florida “sex bomb,” Pam Bondi, would be her daddy’s new White House “companion.” Ms Bondi is the [more...]Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.
Asking a girl to the inauguration is a rite of passage for teens, but everybody says they're going "as a group" this year, and I can't find a stupid date.

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