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Thinking he'd overtaken the tortoise in the race, the hare took a nap under a tree. He was right to sleep, given his Adidas UltraBoost running shoes.
by Will Durst.The summer vacation is a time-honored testament to all that is right about America. And often, not less than a little of what is wrong. We look forward to it for months. Calendars have been ... Read moreHow to Survive Your Summer VacationSubscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format. Pick up a copy at Barnes & Noble and other stores all over the U.S.
by Paul Lander.Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with ... Read moreRipping the Headlines Today, 7/23/18Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format. Pick up a copy at Barnes & Noble and other stores all over the U.S.
WASHINGTON – In a move described as “accepting reality” the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has declared plastic to be “a major food group.” US FDA spokesperson Carl Manson stated: “We admit that trace amounts of plastic leak into…Read more U.S. Declares Plastic a Major Food Group, Part of a Balanced Diet ›The post U.S. Declares Plastic a Major Food Group, Part of a Balanced Diet appeared first on GlossyNews.com.
Tweet Tower—Soon after the announcement of the creation of a Space Force, President Trump revealed his intentions to appoint Pixar giant Buzz Lightyear to head this new branch of the military. Lightyear, a twenty year veteran of animated space exploration, has already expressed his excitement and his desire “to protect this great country from all space threats while our nation’s…
Tweet Tower—In a chain of events that many are calling suspicious, Trump’s Helsinki interpreter, Marina Gross, ‘fell’ from an eight story building earlier today and landed on porn star Stormy Daniels. The two women suffered only minor injuries as both of Stormy’s breasts were deployed at the time of impact. The interpreter is now conscious and recovering at Stormybroke…
by Samuel Dunsiger.Hi, Sugar here. I need to get a few things off of my chest. Hi, Sugar here. I need to get a few things off of my chest. You’ve seen the reports by now. Yes, ... Read moreMonologue: Sugar Wants to Work Things Out with YouSubscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format. Pick up a copy at Barnes & Noble and other stores all over the U.S.
People looking for love in their 60s and over now have an app catering for their specific needs. Available on Apple, Android and those phones with the really big buttons, Greyndr promises to help those in their autumn years find someone special, whether they want a companion to watch Midsomer Murders with, to visit stately homes and eat cream teas with, or just for frenzied but ultimately meaningless sexual coupling behind the bandstand in the park.
Mick Zano’s approach to our current Russian investigation debate, if you can call it an approach, is to list 9 out of 10 unnamed fictitious “experts” from the future who will someday conclude that the FISA warrants were justified. Nice. I don’t have access to his futuristic technologies. My approach is to read the 4…
With the precision of a casino dealer cutting a deck of cards, I scooped two large scoops of vanilla ice cream and put them into the frosty mug.
Could be difficult for a broader audience to empathize with protagonists who are all young, Thai boys. Angelina Jolie has just become available!
Archaeologists in Wiltshire have carried out DNA analysis on 5000 year old human remains discovered near Stonehenge and discovered they originally came from Wales. A spokesman explained; ‘The fact that people were prepared to travel on foot from Wales to a windswept plain in the middle of nowhere is strong evidence that living in Wales...
Unlike high school, a typical college day is a lot less scheduled depending on how well you plan and manage your day. In addition, you have more freedom and opportunities to explore your interests and passions. While at it, you…Read more College Life: What to Expect ›The post College Life: What to Expect appeared first on GlossyNews.com.
The post More Memes of ‘He Who Must Not Be Named’ appeared first on GlossyNews.com.
Washington DC – (SatireWorld.com)

Democratic Party presidential hopefuls Joe Biden and Eric Holder will be debuting the start of their 2020 campaign next week with a tour of crucial US sink-or-swim states.
Using 1.2 trillion dollars of US treasury bills it controls as collateral, the Chinese government today agreed to step in and purchase American farms going bankrupt due to the ongoing trade war waged by the president. US farmers will be permitted to continue speaking English, says the Chinese government.
The Vatican – (SatireWorld.com)

In an effort to revive flagging revenues due to recent bad business investments and poor publicity, the Vatican announced today that the Catholic Church will begin selling indulgences on the internet. The ‘Get-Out-Of-Hell-Free Cards’ permit the owner to get away with a variety of sins and not suffer moral responsibility or God’s judgement.
Match Made in Heaven? Top tabloid announces plans to create own celebrity couple, with exclusive rights to stream entire relationship, reality TV-style. Every significant event, from first intercourse to eventual spectacular break up will be available to subscribers.
Dallas, TX – (satireworld.com)

Ebola’s Lounge and Buffet filed Chapter 11 papers early today in order to seek protection from creditors. Owner Abe Ebola, who owned the popular bar and restaurant for 27 years, cited a long-term slump of loyal customer support and the failure of promotional material to lure new customers.

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