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Shocking new details of last year’s controversial nuclear accord between the Obama Administration and Iran have been revealed to the Dandy Goat, fueling outrage over what is widely viewed as a humiliating defeat for the United States.
PORTLAND, OR — The social media community is in mourning, as one of this newspaper’s own contributors, Jess E. Hadden, has gone into hiding. Two weeks ago, he disappeared from Facebook. Now, he’s disappeared from Twitter — and nobody knows how to reach him.
SEEKONK, MASSACHUSETTS (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, a Massachusetts man with serious health problems and crippling medical debt announced Democratic presidential candidate Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont may have progressive policy solutions to help him avoid financial ruin, disability, and death, but he disliked Sanders' record on guns. Thomas Basil, a construction worker and married father of two, cited Sanders' NRA rating of "D-" as the reason why he openly supported Republican presidential candidate and billionaire Donald Trump, "who always says what is on his mind..."
The Southern Poverty Law Center, a civil rights organization most famous for its meticulous listing of so-called hate groups, has surprised supporters and critics alike by listing itself as a hate group.
In response to the hardships many refugee men face in growing and maintaining full beards, a Seattle-based organization is encouraging hipsters in the city to donate their facial hair.
The U.S. border patrol is on maximum alert tonight after warnings that Hurricane Joaquin may try to enter the United States by doubling back on its current track and sneaking across the border from Mexico.
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) - Yesterday, we reported that Filipino champion boxer Manny Pacquiao is running for a seat in the Philippine Senate.  But the congressman from Saranggani province has a not-so-perfect record in the House of Representatives. Pacquiao earned the distinction of racking up the biggest number of absences in the 15th Congress. He…
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, teabaggers in the House of Representatives stated they "didn't care" who was the next Speaker of the House and announced their intention to burn down the Capitol Building after years of failing to completely paralyze the government, make it default on its debts, and destroy the American economy. The teabagging members of Congress explained they "were tired" of trying to use "unAmerican and unpatriotic law-based methods" to impose their uncompromising extreme-right objectives on the country, and were "being forced to burn down the Capitol Building by Repu
Kodiak – Observers to the recent friendship and alliance that bears and wolves have formed are impressed, yet startled at the bond they have created.
Anaheim, CA – Most of the nation’s foremost experts in the field of Christianity will meet in in November of 2016 to discuss a variety of key topics.  This meeting of the Christian Leadership Alliance will pull in only the best of the best to reflect specifically on the current ending of The Lord’s Prayer.
Are Man's Trousers Haunted by Evil Spirit of Sex Offender? Exorcism Performed on Possessed Pantaloons Following Paranormal Phenomena in Groin Area, Including Ectoplasm and Bizarre Bulging!
I make it a rule never to argue with drunks. Not even when I'm drunk myself. But especially not when I'm sober - alcoholic intoxication impairs the ability
ARTISANAL PRESS — The United States Congress passed a motion during a special session this weekend, heretofore designating the popular deep-fried potato strips menu item in the Congressional cafeteria as “French fries.” The motion was intended as a display of solidarity with the people of France, following the recent terrorist attacks in Paris.
By now, my love, I am certain you have learned about our unfortunate setbacks on the petition signature front. Our brave leaders continue to tell us to fret not about that battle, insisting we shall prove victorious in that theater before next month draws to a close.
SEEKONK, MASSACHUSETTS (The Nil Admirari) - Today, a Massachusetts man who identified himself as "a hugely patriotic American" accused President Obama of acting like Hitler for forcing states to take Syrian refugees fleeing from the Islamic State. Thomas Basil, a construction worker and married father of two, subsequently told TNA he supported the idea of forcing Muslims in the United States to wear badges that identify them as Muslims - an idea endorsed by Republican presidential candidate and loose cannon billionaire Donald Trump.
Just when I thought May was going to breeze by without anything Horrorscope-worthy (Cinco de Mayo is overdone, Memorial Day is at the end, etc.), Louisiana state Rep. Mike Johnson swooped in with a fresh batch of ridiculous.
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles) -  Last week, President Barack Obama banned the sale of certain military-style equipment to police departments. He also thinks that police officers should have "softer looking" uniforms, pointing out that cops are making things worse when they show up to inner city communities wearing military-style equipment and riot gear. Taking its…
A Baton Rouge resident is leading a one-man crusade to dampen threads of overwhelmingly positive comments with a single word that strikes the perfect balance between dickishness and disinterest.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the Republican National Committee (RNC) declared it was thankful for an American education system so broken and preoccupied by standardized testing it helped the Republican Party remain a viable political party. The RNC also claimed responsibility for the endless attacks on public education, which have effectively sabotaged efforts to create a well-informed citizenry.
Were Notorious Sex Fiends Jimmy Savile and Rolf Harris the Result of Secret British Government Experiments? Top Scientist Claims Pair's Super Powers Allowed Them to Offend on Unprecedented Scale!

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