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DES MOINES, IOWA (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson recounted his last days with Adolf Hitler before the Führer took his own life on April 30th, 1945. Dr. Carson told his supporters in Iowa that he had declined Hitler's offer to be his successor prior to escaping from Berlin by rocket ship to avoid capture by the Red Army.
Canadians took a break from getting piss drunk on beer and whiskey for one day to rejoice over the magnificent spectacle of Trudeau and his cabinet being sworn into their new offices. Well… okay, we lied, they didn’t exactly take a break from getting piss drunk, but for one night it wasn’t about hockey for 3 out of 10 adult… females.

Never before has any democracy of any intelligence seen such a magnificent display of vote-slutting from...
Councilman John Delgado joins Jeremy, Sunny, and Sunny's vibrating testicles to discuss Gov. Bobby Jindal, lecherous teachers, and dead BASE jumpers. Wilborn Nobles and Elbis Bolton also introduce their POWER app.
Hoping to grab the eye of Memorial Day shoppers, fashion mogul Pacific Sun released a t-shirt today with an upside down American flag on it.  If only they had known the shelling from angry Internet shoppers they were about to receive.  Or did they?  One such Internet rioter says the t-shirt maker knew exactly what they were doing.
If we want to improve this place we call home, simply quit talking about Bobby Jindal.
ORLANDO, FL (The Barbed Wire) - The Marco Rubio presidential campaign was rocked to its core today after the New York Times broke the shocking story that the Florida senator has received four traffic citations in the past eighteen years. Rubio and his inner circle are huddling tonight, in full damage control mode, to try and decide whether his presidential run should move forward.
Jihadist group ISIS have claimed responsibility for the huge turd which recently brought Brussels to a standstill. Belgian authorities declare 'Code Brown' as Jihadist 'Shit to Kill' tactics hit Metro.
LOS ANGELES, California ( The Adobo Chronicles ) - Technology has definitely caught up with America's new generation of teenagers. Or is it the other way around? Today, the Field Poll released a new nationwide opinion survey involving 5,000 Americans throughout the country -- aged 13 to 19 -- asking them one open-ended question: "What do you…
A group of scientists from the UK and Canada have disclosed that they have indisputably proved that Bob is not, in fact, your uncle, leading to widespread existential crises in the Commonwealth. "We truly wish it were otherwise," said Niles Anderson, of the University of Toronto. "Because now it the world seems a lot more difficult as a result. Bob made everything much easier, in principle at least."
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, American defense contractors predicted hundreds of thousands of American ground troops will win the imminent, expanded war against the Islamic State (ISIS) in Syria, Iraq, and probably elsewhere. The arms producers expected to make an acceptable profit before, during, and after the war, and defined "win" as the United States and its allies leaving a power vacuum in the region to guarantee future armed conflicts and demand for weapons.
The rapidly increasing number of Republicans running for president is dramatically eroding the availability of American billionaires and their precious largess, a recent study suggests.
Nothing says Christmas like a staff photo with Santa and an AR-15! Just ask the writers at SatireWorld as they pose with jolly Ol’ St. Nick and some high-powered firearms: AK-47s, grenade launchers and machine guns.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate and U.S. Senator Ted Cruz of Texas declared he was avoiding political attacks on opponent and billionaire Donald Trump in order to woo Trump's supporters after they have dumped Trump. Cruz conceded it was critical for him to gain the support of what he called "the growing fascist segment of the Republican Party.
THE HAGUE (The Barbed Wire) - The latest power rankings are out for the world of terrorism and there is a new sheriff in town. For the first time in the organization's history, terror group ISIS has garnered the top spot, unseating perennial favorite Al-Qaeda.
North Dakota has long expressed fears that South Dakota has not decommissioned all the missile silos it was supposed to in the 1980s and 1990s. North Carolina, in turn, suspects South Carolina of widespread industrial espionage in its high-tech Research Triangle Park, an area near Duke University where several leading biotech firms reside.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, President Obama announced the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) - a massive multinational trade deal the president intends to sign - will protect the freedoms of all Americans to earn lower wages and become unemployed. President Obama explained the two innately-American liberties would be protected by the TPP, which will make it even easier for corporations to offshore American jobs to countries with lower wages.
Today, the same elite media who no doubt send their own kids to private schools that employ armed security, just can’t stop howling ridicule at the NRA’s idea to give every student in America those same protections.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari): The Republican Party and the few conservative hatemongers not associated with it announced today they have grown tired of the people they hate fighting back. The persecuted conservatives also stated they will no longer tolerate the intolerance and "sass" of those they are intolerant of.
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles®) - Police officers, for the most part, are rewarded or promoted for going beyond the "call of duty." But not this officer with the New York Police Department (NYPD).  He got fired. The still unnamed officer went beyond  his call of duty on Sunday by dancing with a gay man…

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