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Torrington, CT – Eleanor and Darren Minson were just blessed with a healthy 11 pound baby boy.  It is their first child.  They’ve been at home now for about 3 weeks with their new bundle of joy and Eleanor is still pretty sore.  
PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations announced it was exiling former Governor Lincoln Chafee to Block Island, located approximately 13 miles south of the Rhode Island coast, following his performance at last night's Democratic presidential debate. Rhode Island Governor Gina Raimondo announced Chaffee - who was also mayor of the state's second largest city before representing Rhode Island as a US Senator - was being exiled due to a public outcry in response to his "highly embarrassing...
Deluded film director Quentin Tarantino would like to ban black people from ever watching his films according to a press update from his publicist.
Jeb Bush, a middle-aged to elderly-looking male with glasses, announced his candidacy for President today.
FLORIDA (The Barbed Wire) - In a final effort to pump up his floundering poll numbers, Jeb! Bush has hired the Hillary Clinton campaign team to oversee a relaunch of his campaign. Since the Clinton team has relaunched Hillary's campaign six times in six months, Jeb! figured they were the right people for the job.
One of the leaders of the University of Missouri protest group Concerned Student 1950 says that the main source of their discontent is chronic constipation.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, struggling Republican presidential candidate and former Governor of Florida Jeb Bush declared only Syrian refugees who were Christians should be allowed into the United States. Bush asserted Syrian refugees who practiced Islam should be left in Syria to die by one of the many belligerents fighting in the region, "because that's what Jesus Christ would do."
WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — Sen. Rand Paul’s apology for using plagiarized passages in his speeches appears to have been extracted from a speech given by former congressman Anthony Weiner.
Researchers at the University of Southern Ohio have completed a survey of the world’s kinkiest professions. Many of the sciences ranked highly, but none quite as high as mechanical engineering
"They need a tie-in brand of hotdog's to go with this series."
"The cat seems to be meowing in English. Hilarious. I bet they can't understand a word it's saying."
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) - The United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) of the Department of Homeland Security has just released the revised test questionnaire for immigrants applying for U.S. citizenship. It  is a far cry from the 100 potential questions that an immigration officer might ask a citizenship applicant.  There would only…
PARIS (The Barbed Wire) - President Obama has concluded two days of making a fool of himself at the climate summit here. Warning the world of the dangers of magic warming gas in our atmosphere, the president painted an apocalyptic vision of the future if the world doesn't start believing his climate hysteria. Immediately.
It’s taken me three years now to accumulate this knowledge, but if you think you or someone you love may be a TV binger, the following is a list that may help you cope.
The woman who's toplessness rocked a mountain range in Malaysia is being approached by The Sun to get them out again on page three, only months after page three was set to be axed and only days after she caused an earthquake in Malaysia.
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) - Donald Trump today officially declared that he is running for president of the United States, vowing to "make this country great again." What a great campaign motto. But there is one problem.  Trump is now being accused by former Philippines First Lady Imelda Romualdez Marcos of plagiarizing her late husband,…
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles®) - As Barack Obama was speaking at a White House event honoring LGBT Pride Month on Wednesday, a heckler started yelling at the President. The heckler was later identified as Jennicet Gutiérrez, an undocumented transgender immigrant who was protesting deportations under the Obama administration. An immigration group claimed Gutiérrez was a founding member of Familia TQLM…
FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA (The Nil Admirari): The National Rifle Association (NRA) announced today it had a press release ready and waiting for the next mass shooting in the United States. NRA Executive Vice President and CEO Wayne LaPierre stated such preparedness was essential to highlight why victims of gun violence were negligent for not arming themselves.
Washington – Talks in Washington are hot and heavy about getting rid of the penny as part of the US currency.  

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