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MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) -  The Independent reports that a victim of clerical sex abuse has said Pope Francis told him God made him gay and his sexuality “does not matter”. Juan Carlos Cruz spoke privately with the pontiff last week about the abuse he suffered at the hands of a prominent Chilean priest. …
Alice Marie Johnson is back in hot water with authorities after an early morning raid of the recently pardoned great grandmother's residence in Memphis Sunday netted over $4 million worth of ecstasy pills.
The American multinational conglomerate Berkshire Hathaway made a surprising discovery this week when one of its accountants realized the company owned the entire state of New Hampshire.
Washington,DC (SatireWorld.com)

With the advent of National Socialized Medicine, Democratic supporters squeaked in a provision in the last moments before a vote that allows free abortions upon demand for any women who desires one.
Des Moines, Iowa – (satireworld.com)

At a Wednesday press conference in Iowa President Donald Trump addressed his concerns about his past opponent’s health and vitality and especially the reports she was wearing a medical alert device. He also questioned her ability to properly function without succumbing to bouts of pain in which she might require doses of powerful medications which he felt could cloud her ‘good judgement’ or result in more trips and falls..
Washington DC:

The prophesy of the four Democratic Jackasses of the Apocalypse is foretold in the last chapters of the Democratic National Committee (DNC) Book of Socialist Moron Politicians. The four Jackasses are symbols of the different events which will take place when the American people, in conjunction with the Republican Party, finally confront and vanquish the stable of corrupt, lying Democratic Party politicians.
Vatican City -(SatireWorld.com)

In an effort to quell demands for his resignation from Vatican leaders, Pope Francis left Rome on Monday to travel to the US to visit shrines and diocese leaders. He hoped to stop at various religious landmarks he hadn't officially visited as Pope in previous US visits in an effort to shore up US solidarity after sex scandals have rocked the Church.
Government announces introduction of new ‘Universal Hate’ policy, under which all existing forms of hate crime, regardless of whether it is racial, religious or gender based, will be amalgamated into one single type of hate. Ministers hope new system will simplify process of hate crime for perpetrators, victims and police.
New York, NY – (SatireWorld.com)

Thursday’s debut of the Presidential Alert of the National Wireless Emergency Alert System hit a bum note today with proctologists warning of ‘potentially dire consequences’ as telecoms providers promised to crank up cell phone tones and vibration functions ahead of the anticipated trial.
Pittsburgh, PA - (satireworld.com)

Joanna Cameron, star of the mid-1970’s Saturday morning television series Isis, claims that she is not in any way affiliated with the terrorist group ISIS (called ISIL by some Democrats to show support for and pander to Syria).
San Francisco, CA - (satireworld.com)

California Senator Diane Feinstein (D-CA) had a recent physical and reports of the odd medical findings were leaked to FOX News. Doctors discovered she is carrying historical artifacts that she never knew she had….Prehistoric cave drawings between her breasts!
New York City, NY – (satireworld.com)
Former First Lady, Senator, Presidential Candidate, murderer, traitor, and crooked lawyer Hillary Clinton has revealed that Brett Kavanaugh sent her inappropriate emails of a sexual nature. Clinton, however, is surprisingly unable to locate the emails.
Chicago, IL – (SatireWorld.com)
Ronald McDonald is falling on hard times after a 47 year run as the official spokesman and mascot for the fast food giant McDonalds. Citing unresponsive interest in youngsters now preoccupied with apps, gaming, and computers, today's children find the yellow-jumpered mascot, well, just plain boring.
Satire World Editorial:
Last year, we had idiots camping out all over this country to protest the one percenters. They disrupted business on Wall Street and in many other cities just for publicity purposes. This group claimed to represent 99% of the American people, but they didn’t represent me.
Although often maligned for not knowing the significance of American history, President Trump delivered an impassioned speech today to commemorate the anniversary of President Lincoln's "Gettysberg Address" in the town of Schittysberg, Kentucky.
(SatireWorld.com)

In 2015 the President Obama went on the airwaves today praising the celebration of Kwanzaa and wishing celebrants a ‘happy and healthy’ Kwanzaa.
I’m not sure, but the last time I looked my Kwanzaa was looking pretty healthy. So, what the hell is Kwanzaa anyway?
El Paso, Texas – (satireworld.com)
Barrio Santa Claus, who visits his paisanos and his hermanitos every year on Christmas Eve to deliver gifts, has announced plans to paint his low rider something than the traditional “arrest me red. “La Migra always tries to arrest me when I cross the border because my ride just stands out in the night sky as I fly across the Rio Grande. I think that if I went with a better black, I’d be able to sneak across without a problem… at least that’s what all of the mojados and the coyotes tell me.”
Hollywood,CA – (satireworld.com)

A 2005 potential box office fiasco/lost film has been discovered in Hollywood while cleaning out a storage room at Universal Pictures. This movie, not released in theaters, may star the worst acting cast of all time.
For the woman who has everything - this smart looking leather-bound book written by a Russian spy will give you the power to HYPNOTIZE your husband to do your bidding around the house, at parties, or even at his place of employment!

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