DES MOINES, IOWA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) took part in a special weekend broadcast of Jan Mickelson's extreme-right-wing Iowa radio show. Cruz used the platform to warn Americans "atheist-Muslim-fascist-communist-ISIS-liberal terrorists" wanted to destroy America, religious freedom, and Christianity.

The Segway cameraman who controversially managed to catch up with the world's fastest man Usain Bolt from behind, has not had his booking to cover the next G8 meeting of world leaders cancelled, we have been told.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari): Late this afternoon, President Obama announced his intention to rename the tallest mountain in the Presidential Range located in New Hampshire. Obama explained Mount Washington would be renamed "Mount Obama," because he was better at being president than America's first president under the Constitution - George Washington.

ROWAN COUNTY, KENTUCKY (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis announced she only wanted to choose what laws to follow, because of "God or something." Davis explained her position as she continued to refuse gay couples a marriage license after the Supreme Court declined to exempt her from doing her job, because of her cited reason of "stuff."

EARTH — World War III has broken out after a party cruise hosted by New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski sailed…

GRAYSON, KENTUCKY (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, hundreds rallied outside of the Carter County Detention Center where Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis had been held since Thursday for contempt of court for refusing to issue a marriage license to any same-sex couple. Supporters prayed for Davis, pledged thousands of dollars to her, and were in unanimous agreement that "freedom of religion would not be under attack" if "Jesus Christ was president again."

The U.S. Justice Department is attempting to cajole Apple into granting it rear entry to iPhones by claiming doing so would not violate the tech company’s ethical standards.

MOREHEAD, KENTUCKY (The Nil Admirari) - Today, bigots from around the country assembled in front of the building Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis worked out of so they could yell obscenity-laced threats of physical harm and spiritual damnation at same-sex couples seeking to get a marriage license. Many of the hateful, ignorant people who bravely assailed same-sex couples for exercising their legal rights affirmed that their petty intolerance draped in religion was more important than the Constitution and the rule of law.

BOWMAN, Montana--Newly married Shane Dotson, 27, says he was surprised to learn that his wife, Misty, had kept secret certain elements of her academic background.  Dotson, who graduated from Montana Technical Institute with an electrical engineering degree, says he had been led to believe that his new wife, who has a BSN, had only studied…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate and fired Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina announced her desire to have the USS Ronald Reagan - a Nimitz-class supercarrier - as "a golden parachute" when Congress impeached her for gross incompetence as president. Fiorina also continued to hit back at her critics by claiming she could not be considered a failed CEO at HP due to the fact she walked away with about $21 million if she promised never to return.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Department of Reality released a report warning Congressional Republicans a government shutdown would disrupt significant government spending and harm an already weak economy. Republicans responded to the "Shutdown Bad for Economy" report by ignoring the estimated $24 billion price tag from the 2013 government shutdown, and vowing to defund the Department of Reality for "using facts to advance a partisan agenda."

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, conservative propaganda outlets led by Fox News demanded Congress declare war on Vatican City and force President Obama to invade the sovereign state in order to remove its "dangerous leftist leader" Pope Francis. The conservative rallying cry for regime change followed the pontiff's address to a joint session of Congress and his criticism of the greed of unrestricted capitalism, the dangerous ignorance of climate change doubters, and the lack of compassion for, and government support of, society's most vulnerable groups - like the poor.

THE PENTAGON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Secretary of Defense Ashton B. Carter defended the F-35 Joint Strike Fighter from critics who claimed the aircraft's wings randomly falling off was "a serious and potentially dangerous design flaw." Lockheed Martin announced it was "looking into the alleged wing malfunction," and would require "no less than another billion or so" to remedy what it classified as "a low-priority design glitch."

U.S. space agency NASA has discovered evidence of water on Mars, offering the surest sign yet that drinkers who eventually live on the red planet might be able to enjoy life there.

Charleston, SC – President Obama has learned a thing or two about lack of action by previous administrations to natural disasters.  With ‘biblical flooding’ predicted for the Carolinas, big government is not taking any chances. 

Does David Cameron's 'Assault on Poverty' Herald the Violent Elimination of Britain's Poor? Top Anti-Poverty Campaigner Claims Tories Planning Mass Murder of Benefits Claimants in Order to Eliminate Poverty.

Papillion, NE –  Being a kid is tough.  Being an old guy is tough.  Both are entering and leaving comfort zones that they have been in for years.  One such pair in a small town in Nebraska are handling things in very different ways.

Alone and penniless for the first time, Fatima Bin Laden was forced to leave Pakistan last year and find work in her home country of Saudi Arabia after US Navy SEALS put an end to her husband Osama’s career as a world reknown terrorist.

Hockey is awesome and it plays on televisions in sports bars. People watch those televisions and drink alcohol.

NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles) -  Last week, President Barack Obama banned the sale of certain military-style equipment to police departments. He also thinks that police officers should have "softer looking" uniforms, pointing out that cops are making things worse when they show up to inner city communities wearing military-style equipment and riot gear. Taking its…