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In order to achieve FIRE (Financial Independence Retire Early) experts advise an individual's net assets should equal at least twenty-five times their annual cost of living. The following are some (not) useful tips for reaching this goal
“We were as surprised an anyone,” said the lead technician on the project, Professor Luken Balden. “But the universe is, in fact, exactly shaped like this popular American cellular phone. Go figure!"
Stockholm, Sweden – (satireworld.com)

Swedish Olympic Athlete Ivana Phuque, who has won speed skating medals in the Winter Olympics and pole vaulting medals in the Summer Olympics, has decided to expand her activities to include golf. She will compete in the 2019 LPGA tour.
Transylvania,Romania – (satireworld.com)

The famous Dracula’s Castle, the Transylvania landmark once home of Vlad the Impaler and also known as Bran Castle, is up for sale in Romania. The sale price is estimated to be about $150 million in U.S. dollars.
While the castle has little indoor plumbing (except public bathrooms in the tourist areas), it does offer the following amenities:
Washington DC – SatireWorld.com)
A UK newspaper reports that the Obama administration, via the National Security Agency (NSA), has been collecting the phone records of millions of Verizon customers each day under a top secret court order.
You’re talking to the guy who read a few passages from Aristotle’s “Poetics,” but also read the Wikipedia summary several times.
Listen to these smooth, dulcid tones and before you know it you’ll be thinner, cuter, and more attractive, even if just to yourself… yeah, it’s mostly yourself. That’s okay too. Tell us in the comments what you’d like us to…Read more Weight Loss Hypnosis for Free, if that’s the Sort of Humbug you’re into ›
The BBC, taken by surprise by a production that people actually want to watch, have produced a list of spin off productions to be screened over the next twelve months.   The Oddie-Guard – a world renowned ornithologist protecting birds on a three seater bicycle.  Nobody knows why the birds are on a bycicle. The...
By September of 2018, Trump’s even more frantic and reckless as his allies are falling one by one to Mueller, or were fired, or fled of their own volition. The Republicans may well be sacrificing their party on the long term for their loyalty to this dangerous clown. Trump will likely destroy the GOP as more young people register to vote and join the resistance.…
by Paul Lander.Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything ... Read moreRipping the Headlines Today, 9/18/18Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format. Pick up a copy at Barnes & Noble and other stores all over the U.S.
New York City, NY (satireworld.com)

As a fund raiser for the 2020 Presidential Election, the Democratic Party has contracted with Ronco and The Franklin Mint to release a series of commemorative plates. They will include such famous party individuals as Bill Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Nancy Pelosi, and others.
In an impromptu visit surprising the Judiciary Committee that recommended his confirmation 27 years ago, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas stopped by the US Senate this week to reminisce with the legislative branch about his hearing way back in the day.
A lot of bad things have been said about my husband Les Moonvez in the press lately. That he's a sexual predator. That he's a creep. That he exploited his position as Chairman and CEO of CBS to coerce women to submit to his crude sexual advances.
New York, NY – (SatireWorld.com)

Thursday’s debut of the Presidential Alert of the National Wireless Emergency Alert System hit a bum note today with proctologists warning of ‘potentially dire consequences’ as telecoms providers promised to crank up cell phone tones and vibration functions ahead of the anticipated trial.
Los Angeles, CA - (satireworld.com)
California Democrat Maxine Waters became flustered at a recent rally where she called for ‘impeachment’ but couldn’t hear her own words. Afterward, close confidants and aides suggested that the 78 year old congresswoman get her hearing tested.
Musk claimed to have never tried heroin before but he took to it like a duck to water or a Scotsman to heroin.
New York, NY – (satireworld.com)

Score one for The Donald !

After months of frenzied investigations and a bevy of expensive private eyes shuttling across three continents, billionaire Donald Trump claims he’s found Barack Obama’s real birth certificate and the results are not all that pretty.
The rules and guidelines for the annual “Throw a Paper Airplane at a Mosque Day” commemoration of 9/11 will take place on 10/11 this year. The quiet and peaceful demonstration has quickly spread across the United States in memory of the tragedy of September 11th, when Moslem terrorists hijacked four planes and killed thousands of people (to spread the peaceful message of their religion).
Showing marked declines in all major categories, President Trump's latest polling numbers reveal that support for his performance in the White House has shrunk to mostly just meth heads.
In what is being seen as generally a foregone conclusion, sources in Washington agreed Tuesday that Attorney General Sessions is pretty much responsible for a recent hurricane, and Former FBI Director James Comey probably had a hand in it, too.

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