Nogales, AZ—An angry Tweet from Donald Trump has enslaved thousands of ‘snowflake’ liberals for the single purpose of building his promised border wall. The President told the press today, “I said the Mexicans would pay for the wall and clearly some of the folks we detained this week are pretty brown, really brown people. Sure, some are just tan because we picked them…

Tweet Tower—The White House is downplaying the replacement of Secretary of State Rex Tillerson with a cardboard replica. Many believe the president does not wish to emphasize the diplomatic aspects in his already depleted toolkit. Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said, “When the big-oil-diplomat fails, it’s time to bring in his cardboard counterpart. The president knows that diplomacy is often…

by Will Durst.The Republicans are not the only cherry pickers that can re-arrange a narrative! We all know what “cherry pickers” do. They sift through available evidence to pluck out the bits and pieces that support one ... Read moreThe Cherry PickersSubscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format. Pick up a copy at Barnes & Noble and other stores all over the U.S.

But the pampered elites of Wall Street call it ‘hard work.’ With the 2016 presidential campaigns in full swing the burdens of the working middle class have taken center stage. And believe it or not, there is bipartisan support from the front-runners on a key issue brought up over and over again.

The Republicans wrapped their four-day, multi-network infomercial with a speech from nominee Donald John Trump that ripped the wallpaper off Cleveland’s Quicken Loans Arena. Life in America today is dark, dangerous, dismal, dystopian, full of doom and the only light on the horizon is coming from...

Shorter Sheets Already Ordered For Fiddler On The Roof Over Safety Concerns.

Tent City—Under the new Trump budget, funding for the Department of Housing And Urban Development is being drastically cut. HUD Secretary Ben Carson told the press today, “We are still focusing on housing for the poor, but just not of the four walls, one roof variety. We will be moving toward a block grant model, which blocks…

Las Vegas, NV—I knew being Zano-free couldn’t last forever, but I did enjoy my peaceful six month stretch. When the inevitable phone call came, he wanted to know the location of our next Vegas-style ghost investigation. For some reason Zano feels it’s my responsibility to arrange these “important” endeavors. As if living in Las Vegas…

Le Bourget, FR—World leaders reconvened in France today at the request of the Heat Miser. November’s meeting at the same venue was a multinational effort hailed as “the planet’s last, best hope to stave off the impact of climate change before the Force Awakens opens.” After a thorough Palinesque vetting process, The GOP chose The…

Donald Trump isn’t damaging the GOP as much as he’s lifting the rocks they’ve been hiding under. Go ahead, exhale a deep sigh of relief because our long national nightmare could very well be over. Yes, dear friends, Donald Trump might have bitten off more than he can chew and we may be mere moments...

Washington, DC—The head of the Libertarian Party, Gary Johnson, is suggesting one more combined convention to kind of “clear the air a bit” and settle some important scores. “I think it’s really important to allow people to vent,” said Johnson. “When we had a disagreement back in the day, my father used to just let…

Trump’s new team has come up with a unique strategy, going after ignored demographics. The first group they have selected are “Players and Cheating Husbands.” Trump plans to address groups of single men in frat houses and strip clubs and share memories of his youthful playboy...

Soon-to-be-President-for-life Donald J. Trump announced today that his first official act as President would be to rename the United States of America. “We’re going to make America great, again. Almost half the American people voted to make America great, again, and that’s what I’m..."

Comey said just what they thought. It came as no surprise. “But do not tweet no matter what,” his lawyers did advise. So junior was the surrogate, who rolled out all the tweets as more news spread of Russiagate across the nation’s streets. The lawyer got the dates all wrong...

It’s not this scandal that’s pissing me off, it’s the coverage of this scandal. Sorry, there’s no such thing as egregious price-gouging in the pharmaceutical industry. Have you Googled the pharmaceutical industry? …you know, since The Google was invented? Have you purchased a newer non-generic medication lately? Ask your doctor if a reverse mortgage for…

The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...

Once again, we got the scoop first …and, in this case, last.

“Donald Trump is OK. And, with the check I just received for that two letter medical assessment, I can finally pay off my loans to Trump Medical College.”  —Dr. Nick  

Was the Trumpadon attacked by the Putinasaurus?

Kauai, HI—This trip proved the most challenging for team Search Truth Quest, at least financially. We would make both cryptozoological history as well as history of our flex funds. For this journey STQ was on the hunt for two Hawaiian heavyweights: a tribe of hobbits known as the Menehune as well as a 12-foot guardian lizard known as the…