Hey, can we all just stop complaining that our government coddles Wall Street’s big money-grubbing banks? Sure, they went belly-up and crashed our economy with their frauds, rigged casino games, and raw greed. And, yes, the Bush and Obama regimes rushed to bail them out...

The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...

New York, NY—Donald Trump was all smiles today as he held aloft his honorary degree from Trump University. Dean Izzy Credentialed claims, “The honorary version of our six-figure degree is just as valid as the real thing. Sadly.” Upon receiving the honor, Trump stated, “I don’t generally do the humbled thing, but if I did, this would be that time…

There are plenty of magazines featuring stories like: “What He Isn’t Telling You” and “How to Tell if Your Man Is Cheating.” But these days, what you really need to know are...

We have successfully made the transition from ‘know hope’ to ‘no hope’. In today’s political circus, the Freedom Caucus is now all the rage. Are you kidding me? The only thing standing between El Trumpedente and everything he wants for Christmas is a pack of hyenas? Through the magic of redistricting, we must support the minority of the…

Is this passing or failing the Rorschach Test?

Results may vary.

by Matt Rotman.Apple’s surprise announcement of the iPhone X finally let’s the War Babies publicly decry public assistance to anyone but them. Apple introduced three new iPhone models this week, but only one optimally allows Baby Boomers ... Read moreSubscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.

What’s your sign? Check out your and every other jerk’s horoscope right here every month! What? You don’t even believe in astrology? No matter, it doesn’t believe in you!

And now a public service announcement for all you prodigal sons and daughters making the pilgrimage back home for the annual Turkey Day holiday reunion. Prepare for some ultra ugliness out there, people. Expect extra enmity. You are entering enemy territory.

Nogales, AZ—An angry Tweet from Donald Trump has enslaved thousands of ‘snowflake’ liberals for the single purpose of building his promised border wall. The President told the press today, “I said the Mexicans would pay for the wall and clearly some of the folks we detained this week are pretty brown, really brown people. Sure, some are just tan because we picked them…

Tweet Tower—The White House is downplaying the replacement of Secretary of State Rex Tillerson with a cardboard replica. Many believe the president does not wish to emphasize the diplomatic aspects in his already depleted toolkit. Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said, “When the big-oil-diplomat fails, it’s time to bring in his cardboard counterpart. The president knows that diplomacy is often…

by Will Durst.The Republicans are not the only cherry pickers that can re-arrange a narrative! We all know what “cherry pickers” do. They sift through available evidence to pluck out the bits and pieces that support one ... Read moreThe Cherry PickersSubscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format. Pick up a copy at Barnes & Noble and other stores all over the U.S.

But the pampered elites of Wall Street call it ‘hard work.’ With the 2016 presidential campaigns in full swing the burdens of the working middle class have taken center stage. And believe it or not, there is bipartisan support from the front-runners on a key issue brought up over and over again.

The Republicans wrapped their four-day, multi-network infomercial with a speech from nominee Donald John Trump that ripped the wallpaper off Cleveland’s Quicken Loans Arena. Life in America today is dark, dangerous, dismal, dystopian, full of doom and the only light on the horizon is coming from...

Shorter Sheets Already Ordered For Fiddler On The Roof Over Safety Concerns.

Tent City—Under the new Trump budget, funding for the Department of Housing And Urban Development is being drastically cut. HUD Secretary Ben Carson told the press today, “We are still focusing on housing for the poor, but just not of the four walls, one roof variety. We will be moving toward a block grant model, which blocks…

Las Vegas, NV—I knew being Zano-free couldn’t last forever, but I did enjoy my peaceful six month stretch. When the inevitable phone call came, he wanted to know the location of our next Vegas-style ghost investigation. For some reason Zano feels it’s my responsibility to arrange these “important” endeavors. As if living in Las Vegas…

Le Bourget, FR—World leaders reconvened in France today at the request of the Heat Miser. November’s meeting at the same venue was a multinational effort hailed as “the planet’s last, best hope to stave off the impact of climate change before the Force Awakens opens.” After a thorough Palinesque vetting process, The GOP chose The…