ATLANTA, Georgia (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Two weeks ago, CNN ran a banner headline announcing that ISIS was advancing "on two fonts." The headline meant to read "fronts." It was assumed that the error was a copyediting issue. But apparently, it was a hacking issue, and it happened yet again. CNN, while doing a live…

A local iPhone was bluntly honest in a dating profile when it wrote that its hobbies included “being taken into bathrooms” and “watching [its] owner crap.”

OKLAHOMA CITY, OKLAHOMA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Governor of Oklahoma Mary Fallin declared the staggering increase in the frequency and strength of earthquakes in Oklahoma was not caused by hydraulic fracturing conducted by the oil and gas industry, but by an insidious gopher infestation. Fallin pledged to eradicate the earthquake-causing gophers, but warned citizens their state had likely been irreversibly damaged by the furry tunnelers and may permanently unseat California as the most earthquake-prone state in the Lower 48.

Bill Nye ‘The Science’ Guy recently attacked the sacred idea of creationism on a YouTube video.  The Internet and news programs have lit up with those on the side of creationism and those on the side of evolution.

"Ha ha that lid is broken or wasn't put on properly. I can't even open my dog proof dog food container." Fred Flunkee,Has Weak Fingers

Russell, KS –  Look into 92 year old Bob Dole’s eyes.  No, really look.  What do you see?  Great American?  Yes.  Proud veteran?  Absolutely.  A man who lived a full and worthwhile life?  Most of us may not know the true answer to that but let’s go with “OK” on that one.

SAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles® ) -  From Safeway to Whole Foods to Trader Joe's, avocados have disappeared from grocery shelves, and the situation has created a severe shortage of guacamole  in California. Taquerias have been serving salsa with their corn chips, minus the guacamole. The Chipotle restaurant chain has set a limit of one…

THE WEST BANK, ISRAEL (The Nil Admirari) - Once again, Republican presidential candidate and former Governor of Arkansas Mike Huckabee escaped from Bellevue Hospital, and somehow ended up in Israel today. Huckabee's second vacation from mental health workers followed his statement about Israelis being led to ovens by President Obama due to the nuclear agreement his administration reached with Iran.

"I don't get Samsung phone flavoured water, but I totally get cheesy feet flavoured water. Mmmmhhh...." Kent Rugby, Flavoured Water Executive

Lake Forest, IL –  February blues.  That’s how 14 year old Manny Worthem puts it.  We found him hanging out at a local Denny’s by himself drinking soda after soda and drowning his sorrows in a massive stack of pancakes.

LAS VEGAS, Nevada (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump is dead serious about his recently-announced immigration policy, and he is not waiting until he gets elected. Trump's policy includes the building a a great wall along the entire stretch of the southern border with Mexico, deporting all the estimated 11 Million undocumented…

PORTLAND, OR — "We had no idea the nasty stench that stuff was covering up."

ROWAN COUNTY, KENTUCKY (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis announced she only wanted to choose what laws to follow, because of "God or something." Davis explained her position as she continued to refuse gay couples a marriage license after the Supreme Court declined to exempt her from doing her job, because of her cited reason of "stuff."

GRAYSON, KENTUCKY (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, hundreds rallied outside of the Carter County Detention Center where Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis had been held since Thursday for contempt of court for refusing to issue a marriage license to any same-sex couple. Supporters prayed for Davis, pledged thousands of dollars to her, and were in unanimous agreement that "freedom of religion would not be under attack" if "Jesus Christ was president again."

HOLLYWOOD, Calfornia  (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - She may just have been released from county jail, but Kim Davis, the Rowan County clerk who defied a Supreme Court ruling asking her to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, could end up back behind bars. To celebrate her release after six hard days in prison, Davis…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the Center for Disease Control (CDC) warned Americans that listening to Donald Trump, Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee, Ted Cruz, and anyone else classified as a "Mad Republican" for even a minute "will absolutely result in concussion-like symptoms." CDC Director Dr. Tom Frieden explained the grade of concussion-like symptoms an American risked depended on how far to the right the Mad Republican speaker they listened to was.

ARTISANAL PRESS — Research recently published in a peer-reviewed journal suggests that the latest generation of political radicals in the United States is, itself, undergoing a radical change. Dr. Mike Godwin, behavioral & political scientist at Reed University, claims that a large number of twentysomething radical leftists — many voting for the first or second time in their lives — are getting fat, and changing their voter registration to Democrat.

ALEXANDRIA, Virginia (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Federal agents and bomb-sniffing dogs were dispatched to the office of Dr. Ben Carson in Alexandria, Virginia, shortly after the Republican candidate for president received a suspicious mail package. The package consisted of a Manila envelope that seemed to contain a small metal device. Carson's staff suspected the device…

With the unexpected death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, Republican National Committee Chair Reince Priebus is dismayed at having wasted his last wish from that genie on a sandwich.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced she only planned to make one or two mistakes like her 2002 vote to give Republican President George W. Bush the authority to invade Iraq. Clinton assured Americans she would apologize "extremely sincerely" for an inevitable future mistake or two that could be compared to the costly war with, and subsequent occupation of, Iraq.