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ARTISANAL PRESS — Organizers of Chicago Dyke March admit to expulsion, claim it was a stand against racism & fascism.
PORTLAND, OR — In yet another sign of just how very close Trump's America is to descending into an oppressive Christian theocracy, video has surfaced from Wednesday afternoon of Portland Police attempting to literally wrestle a woman from the driver's seat of her vehicle.
Saul Friedman exited the funeral hall, still holding his messy clump of flowers. Big Xian’s sister-in-law warmly smiled through her tears. ‘Thank you for the flowers,’ she whispered. Saul didn’t hear her. He slouched towards the exit of the funeral hall. Civil funerals were never quite his thing. They always seemed to be missing something. […]
For months, when my less-woke family and friends talk about movies, I proudly declare that I've been meaning to see Moonlight and actually want to see it really badly.
Great Britain has sent a firm message to the world by revealing its latest Royal Navy warship is named after a sprightly but rather frail 91-year-old woman. Foreign navies are quaking in their bell-bottoms at the prospect of facing HMS Queen Elizabeth, having previously been intimidated by warships with names such as HMS Illustrious, HMS...
Washington, DC—Vice President Mike Pence is doing his best today to sell a less than popular healthcare bill. Republicans took all the usual steps, including lying and relabeling, but to no avail. They are saying that the increased number of uninsured Americans, Pioneer Health Recipients and Obama death panels, which didn’t actually exist under the ACA, will be created and…
MPAA film rating system updated for an era of polarization and the politically correct. G – General Audiences. All politics accepted. Nothing too offensive to conservatives or liberals. Lassie may come home. Miracles may occur on 34th Street. Language no saltier than “damn,” “coccyx” and “tushie.” Examples: The Little Mermaid; Mary Poppins; King Kong PG [more...]
Washington DC – (

Supreme Court Associate Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has ‘sure slipped a mean one’ right past the Trump Camp’s nose in a 9-Ball recluse refusal, the Associated Mess is reporting tonight.
ARTISANAL PRESS — In a stunning victory for academic freedom, Netflix has announced plans to scrub references to "natural selection" from old episodes of the 1990s TV show Bill Nye the Science Guy.
Are modern conspiracy theories rubbish? Startling claims from top conspiracy theorists that recent conspiracies such as Manchester bombing and Kensington fire have been poorly conceived and ineptly carried out. Call for return to classic conspiracies involving Aliens, Nazis and replicants.
Water games are usually a great way to beat the heat and have some fun on the 4th of July. That is, unless you're one of the dozens of children every year whose parent or guardian puts the Slip'n Slide too close to a laundry post and you break every bone in your face.
Area anti-socialite, Phil Koff, was wandering down the aisle of his local grocery store–minding his own quiet business–when he spotted a first-time acquaintance, Cher Tumuch, approaching ominously from the other direction.
Denver, CO – (

The Institute for Freedom released its annual report on the state of American politics and it shared some profound revelations. Professor Sidney Campbell’s report highlighted the disparity in 2016 voting trends and some eye opening facts about ex-Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton’s stunning loss.
Hackensack, NJ – (

The votes are in and counted. The Fat Girls of American have proclaimed the ‘Sexiest Fat Man on Earth’ and it’s no other than Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey.

Gretchen Moore, President of FGOA will be inviting the Governor to a full-blown 15 course meal and ceremony at the Toms River Hyatt on May 15th where Christie will receive a special honor and edible trophy.
London (UK) – (
In a rare peek into the empty heads of those who support the comic book science world of catastrophic global warming, UK writer and global warming activist Elizabeth Moon argues that everyone should be involuntarily implanted with a microchip at birth so that “anonymity would be impossible”.
At last a piece of good news for the beleaguered prime minister, still Theresa May.

It has been announced that Theresa May, 62, has won the World Gurning Championship and didn't even enter the competition, bringing to 19 the number of things over the last 8 weeks that could lead to her downfall, a new record.
New York City – (
America’s next generation of youngsters could be four-legged and might howl at the moon if millions of Gen-X female democrats have their way and avoid childbirth.
Washington DC – (
US Supreme Court newby Neil Gorsuch is honing his ‘I-Shot-The-Sheriff’ tonight ahead of next week’s anticipated SCOTUS garage band audition.
A vacancy at the chart-topping line-up cropped up unexpectedly with Associate Justice Scalia’s February 2016 demise.

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