Check Please!
Scotch Plains, NY – (satireworld.com)

Kleenex, a division of Kimberly-Clark, has announced that they are releasing a new line of their popular facial tissues made specially for Democrats to use when crying over losing elections, seeing a robust economy, paying lower gas prices, and other events that may go against their programmed agenda. Called “Pity Me Tissues,” the new product is expected to be available by late January (the second anniversary of Donald Trump’s inauguration).
2018……….Get ready for the 2020 Beto and Joe show! By election day, O’Rourke will be walking on water and wearing a crusader’s cape courtesy of the main stream media’s manipulation and lies.
Oh! And Joe Biden? According to the media machine he’ll have the highest IQ and all the greatest loopy ideas leftover from the Obama Administration.
Let’s be honest, feeling smart is way better, and so much more important, than being smart.  If you don’t feel smart, how can you be self-confident?  If you can’t be self-confident, how can you be a success?  If you can’t be a success, how can you feel smart?  See?
New York, NY - (satireworld.com)

Two hundredweight of Botox impounded at a Saudi camel beauty pageant was redirected to Clinton Foundation orifices this morning ahead of its upcoming annual Valentines Day bash.
Is Nigel Farage's call for second EU referendum part of cunning plan to save Brexit from Tory incompetence? Top journalist claims that by reversing decision to leave EU, Farage plans to start whole process afresh, on his terms! Former UKIP leader also allegedly behind collapse of old party to clear way for new hard line pro leave party to fight third referendum!
TORONTO, Canada (The Adobo Chronicles, Toronto Bureau) - Egos are aplenty in American — north and south of the U.S.-Canada border. In the U.S., Trump is building a wall along the U.S.-Mexico border and limiting legal immigration to the land of the free, home of the brave. In Canada, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is considering proposing…
If you have an emotional support animal, you know how great they are.  You also know that dogs are tres passé.  In their stead, people are turning to other more obvious heroes such as the ones we've included here.
Raising the stakes in a looming trade war, an angry Canada announced today that it will respond in part to President Trump's announced tariffs on foreign steel and aluminum with a ban on US porn.
Hollywood, CA – (satireworld.com)
Disney unveiled the next Star Wars episode set to begin filming in July. The popular franchise will bow to current political pressure by allowing the entire cast to represent true modern body styles by including some real Hollywood ‘heavyweights’ as lead characters. The film’s title is sketchy, but insiders say it’s Escape From Planet of the Large.
THE HAGUE, Netherlands (The Adobo Chronicles, Berlin Bureau) - The International Criminal Court (ICC) has gone into panic mode after Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte said he will convince states to withdraw from the international body. Earlier, Duterte announced the Philippines was withdrawing from the ICC. "I will convince everybody now under the treaty: Get out! Bastos…
BIRMINGHAM (TheSkunk.org) — In an unexpected announcement, the National Evangelical Alliance has decided to remove commandment number seven from the list of God’s top ten requirements. The commandment, which forbids fornicating with someone other than one’s own spouse, is expected to be absent in future editions of the King James Bible.
It only took about 50 years of enduring various hard-handed tactics and immense political pressure by the Kennedy clan to keep the secret buried, but today the truth finally appears to be out in public with the grand opening of the Ted Kennedy Memorial Aquarium and the simultaneous opening of the Hollywood-inspired motion picture ‘Chappaquiddick’, an honest re- telling of what really happened when Ted Kennedy drove his Oldsmobile off a bridge late a night and ended a 1972 run for his almost certain Presidency.
Washington DC – (SatireWorld.com): White House advisers are finessing some unprecedented diversionary moves to steady the President’s hand as ex-FBI chief James Comey’s eagerly awaited memoir readies to hit the shops.
The Kremlin has angrily accused the British Government of assassinating an ex-MI6 double agent, resident in Moscow. Theresa May has denied British involvement and listed 194 alternative countries that might have been responsible.
Did government outsource 'Hostile Environment policy for illegal immigrants to extreme right wing groups? Allegations that neo-Nazis employed by Home Office to intimidate alleged illegals with burning crosses and racist attacks.
Westminster Kennel Show….opps Royal Wedding!

(SatireWorld.com)
Singer Elton John was upset at the Royal Wedding to see that he wasn’t “the biggest Queen” in attendance. He felt that his presence was upstaged by that of Queen Elizabeth II at the marriage of her grandson, Prince Harry, to Meagan the Commoner.
Today's White House press briefing took a dramatic turn when Press Secretary Sarah Sanders smacked a boy straight across the mouth.
SILICON VALLEY, California (The Adobo Chronicles, San Jose Bureau) - After many years of debate, experts have finally confirmed that the computer is not a 20th Century Invention. A joint statement was issued today signed by top technical and religious experts, saying that Apple, Microsoft and other computer pioneers did not invent the computer. They added:…
Speaking to members of the press for the first time since tendering his resignation as Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency on Thursday, Scott Pruitt vowed that he would continue his war on the environment in his free time as a citizen.
Although the period after World War II is generally remembered as an existential struggle between two nuclear superpowers to control the planet earth, Republicans this week revealed that it was, in fact, just a comical series of miscommunications.

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