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  Tweet Tower—Under the increased speculation that the president is unfit for office, the White House physician administered a cognitive assessment exam earlier this week. The physician, Patsy McPassfail, said the president performed “exceedingly well” on the Montreal Cognitive Assessment test. Today, however, an unknown staffer leaked the actual test the president received. The leaked assessment contained  mostly tailored questions that…
Tent City—Under the new Trump budget, funding for the Department of Housing And Urban Development is being drastically cut. HUD Secretary Ben Carson told the press today, “We are still focusing on housing for the poor, but just not of the four walls, one roof variety. We will be moving toward a block grant model, which blocks…
People looking for love in their 60s and over now have an app catering for their specific needs. Available on Apple, Android and those phones with the really big buttons, Greyndr promises to help those in their autumn years find someone special, whether they want a companion to watch Midsomer Murders with, to visit stately homes and eat cream teas with, or just for frenzied but ultimately meaningless sexual coupling behind the bandstand in the park.
Many have asked, why do republicans consistently vote against their own interests? CNN’s Fareed Zakaria just did a special on Why Trump Won, yet he only made a passing reference to the real culprit, namely, our tailored and targeted media. In 2017 the rightwing ‘Bubble’ can now subsist on little to no factual sustenance whatsoever. It’s…
This Trumpian folly of a border wall is not needed and won’t work. How much of our money does Donald Trump want to pour into his xenophobic fantasy of erecting an impenetrable wall on our Mexican border? The big-businessman-turned-president insists that costs be damned — just build it!
Ryanair has come up with another clever way of making more money by deciding to charge passengers an extra fee for those who want to travel on an actual aircraft. After purchasing their tickets passengers will be given the option of a plane or no plane. CEO Michael O’Leary hopes most people will choose to...
Washington, DC—Earlier today a shipment of methampethamine with an estimated 26K street value arrived at the headquarters of Special Prosecutor Rober Mueller. The stimulants were sent to his 17-lawyer team presumably in an effort to speed things up a bit. Mueller told the press today that he is very grateful for the gesture, but when…
The Southern Poverty Law Center has been at the forefront of many important agendas of American civic life, for quite some time. The poor, the Southern and most of all, the legalistic, have all sought shelter under the wings of the holy dove of mercy. But speaking of holy doves; the SPLC has provoked a […]
In an unusual turnaround at the annual Turkey Pardoning festivity at the White House, the turkey itself made a speech. The 48 pound white turkey Drumstick unexpectedly hopped up to the mike, cleared his throat and said:“Thank you, Mr. President for changing my verdict from assassination to a merciful life behind chicken wire fence for […]
Naked & Afraid XL Survivor Eva Rupert said, “I would rather have a pack of Howler monkeys flinging feces at me than be interviewed by these assholes!”  
Thanks for reading some of the recent social media and IT articles we’ve posted recently. Some of you will be aware that the Medium journal “IT Emperor” (why haven’t you joined Medium yet?), which is edited by One Tongue Johnny, is being phased out; and almost all the content is being placed on Glossy News, […]The post The End of IT Emperor, and a Turbo-Boost for Glossy News appeared first on GlossyNews.com.
by Jennifer Hollie Bowles.What’s your sign? Check out your and every other jerk’s February 2018 horoscope right here! What? You don’t even believe in astrology? No matter, it doesn’t believe in you! And you could be wrong. Just ... Read moreHoroscopes for Jerks: February, 2018Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format. Pick up a copy at Barnes & Noble and other stores all over the U.S.
Mick Zano’s approach to our current Russian investigation debate, if you can call it an approach, is to list 9 out of 10 unnamed fictitious “experts” from the future who will someday conclude that the FISA warrants were justified. Nice. I don’t have access to his futuristic technologies. My approach is to read the 4…
With the precision of a casino dealer cutting a deck of cards, I scooped two large scoops of vanilla ice cream and put them into the frosty mug.
Dear friends, fans and followers, please catch these exciting Wallace Runnymede satire, fiction and poetry books before the deal ends, Tuesday midnight! You can find my books on national Amazon stores all over the world; not just the USA or…Read more Free Books Until Midnight! ›The post Free Books Until Midnight! appeared first on GlossyNews.com.
Just because you never hear these things in college doesn't mean they aren't true. Especially the parts about cheating, masturbation, and taking advantage of helpless animals.
Crystal Palace has reverted to its former existence as a home for old dinosaurs after a very brief attempt to bring it up to the standards associated with modern life. Announcing a brand new era just a couple of months ago, the owners introduced a young, dynamic, forward-thinking manager to transform the establishment which was...
Washington, DC—In an effort to stabilize a political ecosystem that many in Washington are calling “completely F-d up”, environmentalists released 47 stable republican politicians into Congress this week. Jake Green of the Capitol Re-Acclimation Project explains, “By releasing semi-coherent individuals into both the Senate and the House, the hope is that things might actually return to the baseline…
Billie Jean squeezes the pimple on Jane's back and the white oily insides explode. The release is orgasmic, and the girls decide they can be pop stars.

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