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WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the Islamic State (ISIS) announced many prominent Republican politicians - including many GOP presidential candidates - will receive cash bonuses for exceeding ISIS's recruiting goals. The Islamic State explained Republican opposition to Syrian refugees being allowed into the United States was "a wonderful way" to help the religious-extremist organization recruit even more Syrian civilians, who were essentially being held hostage inside their own country.
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) - There were only twenty world leaders  who showed up at the welcome rites for the Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation Summit Meeting Wednesday afternoon. There should have been  twenty one. Missing was U.S. President Barack Obama. In a statement explaining Obama's absence, a spokesperson for the U.S. Embassy in Manila said…
DALLAS, Texas (The Adobo Chronicles) - Texas is among the 32 states that still have the death penalty on their books. The Lone Star State is known for the most number of executions. In an effort to rid itself of the unsavory reputation as the 'killer state,' and to cut down on the state government's enormous…
Are Eastern European Immigrants Vampires and Werewolves Literally Draining UK's Lifeblood? Extraordinary UKIP Claims on Eve of General Election!
SAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles) - It was supposed to happen at 4 p.m. Pacific time on Thursday, May 28: an 8.8 magnitude earthquake in California, brought about by the alignment of the planets. The prediction came from Dutch Frank Hoogerbeets, the same man who predicted the recent devastating quake in Nepal. By 3:59 p.m,…
To paraphrase the theme of Bill Clinton's 1992 underdog campaign, “It's the exorcism, stupid.”
Editorial and political cartoons by award-winning cartoonist Rob Rogers, using humor and satire to lampoon politicians and issues of the day.
Ever since his separation from his wife of 40 years, Tipper Gore, friends say that the former Vice President has become harder and harder to reach.  Al Gore is best known for his environmental education efforts after his political career ended.  Gore is reportedly dating a fellow environmentalist who introduced him to Netflix.  The Nobel Peace Prize winner is now addicted to the television show The Walking Dead.
"Behind every successful catching man is a good woman there to take the bottle of beer out of his hand before he does it. Yeee hargh!" Jessie Krufts, Red Neck
Did Titanic Really Sink in 1912? Conspiracy Theorist Sensationally Claims that Liner Still Afloat and Hosting Cabal of Immortal Celebrities Who Faked Own Deaths!
BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS (The Nil Admirari): A national survey's findings on the sexual proclivities of America's anti-gay Christian leaders was released Sunday morning in time for many morning masses. The Boston University (BU) survey titled "Quantifying Anti-Gay Christian Leadership Duplicity" showed 7 out of every 10 respondents anonymously declared they were hiding at least one gay lover from virtually everyone else in their life.
"I've trained my dogs to run when they hear violins playing too. Can't be too careful these days."
Lincoln Police are urging all women living in Lancaster County to exercise extreme caution after 54 year-old Marilyn Barker was raped behind a Big Lots in Newkirk last night, the fourth victim of sexual assault in the area this month.
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari): Earlier today, Fox News talking head Bill O'Reilly claimed he had "three to five black friends" so everyone should "shut their trap," because he had the credentials to talk about race relations in America. O'Reilly needed two days of constant public pressure to recall how many black friends he had after political pundit Kirsten Powers asked him that very question on "The O'Reilly Factor."
Clarrisa Melton, age 37 and still single, has been fat all her life. Her mother and father were fat and so were her grandparents who were so large, they both worked in the circus. After many years of watching slim and trim women on TV, and beautiful toned women in magazines, Melton decided to shed her 175 excessive pounds by supporting Barack Obama.
WASHINGTON -- In what’s being called a historic oversight, the U.S. Supreme Court has admitted that while it has ruled in favor of same-sex marriage, it has forgotten to rule in favor of same-sex divorce.
AUGUSTA, MAINE (The Nil Admirari): Republican Governor of Maine Paul LePage announced today the slime covering his entire body was impossible to remove. The slime on LePage has been blamed for his efforts to cut programs for the poor, sick, elderly, children, and virtually every other person in Maine who is not very wealthy.
"That's probably why you never see a cat with a six pack." Kent Rugby, Motivator

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