Check Please!
"With each successive bloodbath unleashed upon innocent Americans, I've continued in my callous refusal to do one single thing that could make a difference and save American lives."
The UK Counter Terrorism Command has confirmed that the promotion of cycling in the UK has been the central focus of North Korean terrorist activity since 2010. The billions of pounds that cycling costs the UK economy is part of a strategy by Pyongyang to destabilise Western democracies.
The Crystal Blue Waters of the Capacian Islands – (SatireWorld.com)

On Board the MSV Conquest
Sporting a dapper blue blazer and white cotton trousers rolled up above his ankles, Fernando Monte Verde took a few moments to sit down and chat with SatireWorld reporter Phil Macadamia. In a flurry of wafting blue cigar smoke, Monte Verde spoke about being the ‘World’s Most Interesting Man’ and his ongoing admiration for SatireWorld.
Manspreading You are not oppressed because you get manspreaded against. (What the hell does that even mean, anyway?!) Manspreading is one of the ultimate victimless crimes. The fact that it’s illegal doesn’t make it a crime in any remotely meaningful sense. It’s no wonder the Urban Dictionary folks all found it so ridiculous! Also, there […]The post But I’m Oppressed! (SPOILER: No You’re Not!) (2/4) appeared first on GlossyNews.com.
Bureaucrats will waste zero time before pointing fingers and disrespecting the men, women, and children I'm about to systematically mow down.
A couple who used to do really cool romantic stuff on Valentine’s Day in the early stages of their relationship, have admitted they did ‘fuck all’ last night. This seems to back up relationship experts’ theories that the much hyped day of love is really just a 'bunch of arse'.
Tent City—Under the new Trump budget, funding for the Department of Housing And Urban Development is being drastically cut. HUD Secretary Ben Carson told the press today, “We are still focusing on housing for the poor, but just not of the four walls, one roof variety. We will be moving toward a block grant model, which blocks…
by Will Durst.The Republicans are not the only cherry pickers that can re-arrange a narrative! We all know what “cherry pickers” do. They sift through available evidence to pluck out the bits and pieces that support one ... Read moreThe Cherry PickersSubscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format. Pick up a copy at Barnes & Noble and other stores all over the U.S.
WASHINGTON - President Trump decided to surprise the first lady by arranging a romantic solitary Valentine's day dinner just for her. According to everyone around Melania, this is exactly what she was hoping for and was very pleased with the gesture.
Paul, who suffered a similar attack by his other neighbor three months ago, was reportedly struck repeatedly in the face and bludgeoned with a parcel he had been collecting from his mailbox at the time.
Walter Bucket Presents True Facts
1. In 2002, Honda was ordered to recall over 150,000 cars after customers complained that they had completely left the bottom of the ashtrays out and that several smokers had set their pants on fire. There was a huge lawsuit and the case was taken to the Supreme Court where Spokesperson, Judge Ginsburg stated that they had sided with Honda. “After all, the fact that their pants were on fire proves that the customers were lying.”
PYEONGCHANG, South Korea (The Adobo Chronicles, Seoul Bureau) - Hundreds of hungry athletes and visitors to the Winter Olympics have been contacting The Adobo Chronicles asking where in PyeongChang they can find a P.F. Chang’s. The calls started coming in after ABC News aired a segment titled P.F. Chang 2018.  Little did viewers realize it…
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom,
I am getting really tired of the “politically correct” attacking folks for sharing an opinion that goes against their agenda.
Science fiction writer Orson Scott Card is a Democratic Mormon (which is rare). He stated that he is opposed to gay marriage (which he has a right to be, as everyone can have an opinion).
The retail and tech giant Amazon is seeking to disrupt healthcare in America by offering its own competitive healthcare options. Amazon is teaming up with Berkshire Hathaway and JP Morgan to take a giant slice out of the multi trillion dollar industry. The news immediately caused healthcare stocks to fall.
After viewing several hours of curling, an irritated President Trump called staff members to the White House, saying he wanted an Olympic gold medal sent over Monday morning in honor of his victory in the 2016 US Presidential election.
Spokane, WA – (SatireWorld.com)

It started out as a simple picnic in Twin Falls Park when Anthony ‘Rocco’ Pietro felt different than when he first arrived at the picnic area.
Phoenix, AZ – (SatireWorld.com)
An Arizona legislator raised eyebrows this week with a suggestion that the state should name a holiday just for US Caucasian males. State Rep. Cecil Ash’s remarks began in jest while he was speaking on the Arizona House floor Monday, but when asked to clarify them later, Ash doubled down and said he thought such a holiday was not only a good idea, but a great idea that will be sure to catch on nationally.
DAVAO CITY, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Davao Bureau) - Elcias Bugsad, the Davao City taxi driver who speaks and sounds like Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte just landed a new job. He will be the Filipino-version of Apple’s iPhone Siri. Apple has long been searching for an appropriate person to be the local voice behind the iPhone…
Vegan restaurants all around the world have begun to offer something for free that’s already been on many menus since the inception of meat-free, egg-free, dairy-free, taste-free dining: pure, unadulterated judgment.
TORONTO, Canada (The Adobo Chronicles, Toronto Bureau) - Egos are aplenty in American — north and south of the U.S.-Canada border. In the U.S., Trump is building a wall along the U.S.-Mexico border and limiting legal immigration to the land of the free, home of the brave. In Canada, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is considering proposing…

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