Check Please!
In an impromptu visit surprising the Judiciary Committee that recommended his confirmation 27 years ago, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas stopped by the US Senate this week to reminisce with the legislative branch about his hearing way back in the day.
A lot of bad things have been said about my husband Les Moonvez in the press lately. That he's a sexual predator. That he's a creep. That he exploited his position as Chairman and CEO of CBS to coerce women to submit to his crude sexual advances.
New York, NY – (SatireWorld.com)

Thursday’s debut of the Presidential Alert of the National Wireless Emergency Alert System hit a bum note today with proctologists warning of ‘potentially dire consequences’ as telecoms providers promised to crank up cell phone tones and vibration functions ahead of the anticipated trial.
Los Angeles, CA - (satireworld.com)
California Democrat Maxine Waters became flustered at a recent rally where she called for ‘impeachment’ but couldn’t hear her own words. Afterward, close confidants and aides suggested that the 78 year old congresswoman get her hearing tested.
Musk claimed to have never tried heroin before but he took to it like a duck to water or a Scotsman to heroin.
New York, NY – (satireworld.com)

Score one for The Donald !

After months of frenzied investigations and a bevy of expensive private eyes shuttling across three continents, billionaire Donald Trump claims he’s found Barack Obama’s real birth certificate and the results are not all that pretty.
The rules and guidelines for the annual “Throw a Paper Airplane at a Mosque Day” commemoration of 9/11 will take place on 10/11 this year. The quiet and peaceful demonstration has quickly spread across the United States in memory of the tragedy of September 11th, when Moslem terrorists hijacked four planes and killed thousands of people (to spread the peaceful message of their religion).
Showing marked declines in all major categories, President Trump's latest polling numbers reveal that support for his performance in the White House has shrunk to mostly just meth heads.
In what is being seen as generally a foregone conclusion, sources in Washington agreed Tuesday that Attorney General Sessions is pretty much responsible for a recent hurricane, and Former FBI Director James Comey probably had a hand in it, too.
Blountstown, FL – (satireworld.com)

Henry Miller is one busy man. His 34 year old John Deere dealership in Blountstown has skyrocketed to the position of number one in excavator sales in the whole Southeast because of the recent gold strike on Parker’s Creek. Miller Equipment Sales recently sold its 27th John Deere 220D excavator in a six-week period.
Blountstown, FL – (satireworld.com)

The Blountstown Chamber of Commerce released its newest report on the recent discover of massive gold deposits that have placed the once sleepy Florida Panhandle town on the map of richest places to live in America. Chamber President Cletus Moore included in the report of 87 locals who are newly-made millionaires. The individuals have struck it rich by finding substantial gold deposits on once played out agricultural land that in some cases have been in family hands for generations.
Blountstown, FL- (SatireWorld.com)
The small panhandle town that sparked a gold rush after nuggets were found strewn all over farmer Van Peebles farm, has apparently disappeared!
Any reference to the town, Van Peebles, gold, and aliens, have disappeared from Wikipedia, and attempts to pinpoint the town and Parker’s Creek on Google Map are fruitless.
The deep state has gone to a disturbing new level according to one Missouri family who claims the shadowy group impregnated their 16 year-old daughter with a black baby.
Safford, AZ- (satireworld.com)

The Federal Bureau of Prisons has released information that Jared Fogle, former Subway spokesman, has written and recorded several songs while serving in prison. Fogle is currently incarcerated in Safford, Arizona and is serving a sentence for having child pornography and for engaging in illicit sexual contact with underage women.
Los Angeles, CA – (satireworld.com)
Network officials and show producers have announced that the 2019 season of “Dancing With The Stars” will feature nothing but “big” contestants. The “big,” however, is not what you would normally thing of as “big Hollywood stars.” All of next year’s contestants will be plus sized.
New York City (NYC) (satireworld.com)

Democratic Mayor Bill de Blasio and the NYC Council have passed an ordinance banning Coney Island Whitefish. The Coney Island Whitefish, better known as a Condom (latex/rubber), cannot now be disposed of in any manner (like flushing) that causes this protective device to wind up in any body of water within NYC limits, e.g. lakes, rivers (Hudson, East, Harlem/Spuyten Duyvil Creek, Brooklyn/Gowanus Canal, Canarsie) and the Atlantic Ocean. Currently in the summer months the Coney Island Whitefish can be seen, after dark, spawning in NYC waters.
Boston, MA – (satireworld.com)
Nike, which is trying to corner and control the market on Un-Americans and Anti-Americans, has announced a follow-up to their Colin Kaepernick commercials. Famous traitor and subversive “Hanoi” Jane Fonda, who has been found guilty of treason in the court of public opinion but not in the Hollywood and Democratically controlled court system, will join ISIS terrorists in beheading Christian missionaries in an unknown Middle Eastern location.
London man claims he was assaulted by Hitler's ghost following his steamy affair with the spirit of Eva Braun. Charged with affray following ferocious battle in High Street with phantom Fuhrer.
Government announces introduction of new ‘Universal Hate’ policy, under which all existing forms of hate crime, regardless of whether it is racial, religious or gender based, will be amalgamated into one single type of hate. Ministers hope new system will simplify process of hate crime for perpetrators, victims and police.
“Honestly your Honour, I was acting in the best interests of the local community when I burned down my eighty five year old neighbour’s garden shed. I had very reliable information from a bloke down the pub that he was actually running a drug factory from there..."

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