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Tweet Tower—In an effort to cut both cost and interest, the White House tour is proud to announce a President Trump narrated audio tour. You can listen to our president go room by room and talk directly into your head about all the historical items that he believes can talk directly into his. The first historical item on…
“Don’t cry about the news — laugh about it, with the Humor Times!” That’s our motto, and we cover the news like no one else: say goodbye to the droll, hello to the hilarious. Political satire at its best.
Jerry Fannersgraft was sitting in his college Bio class when, out of the blue, it dawned on him: That one time his dad came into his room sweaty and disheveled, muttering something about The Lion King was in fact “The Sex Talk”. Immediately after this thought, he felt quite ill.
Did Trump's CIA hacked TV capture footage of president pleasuring himself to TV programme? Experts fear presidential 'sex video' could now be in hands of Wikileaks. Did Nigel Farage visit Julian Assange in attempt to retrieve video on behalf of Trump?
The overgrown man-child still requires adult supervision at night time, and only immigrants seem willing to handle to task.
"...kids whose parents appear on FNC think the judge could be part werewolf. “You should see him coming out of the pool at company picnics. With that low hairline, he looks like a stocky sheepdog.”
Compared to investment banking, my colleagues tell me acting is almost completely recession-proof. People will buy tickets to shows even if they don't have the money to buy them!
Tributes have poured in after the passing of Martin McChuckle, who was most famous as one of the comedy slapstick duo the Chuckle Brothers. Together with the Reverend Ian Chuckle, McChuckle brought tears to the eyes of widows and children across the province through their routines about punishment beatings.
Tweet Tower—By all accounts President Trump’s joint press conference with the Chancellor of Germany, Angela Merkel, really sucked. Many in the press equate the event to watching a librarian look on helplessly as a pack of baboons ransack the silent reading area. For starters Trump refused to shake the Chancellor’s hand. He then explained, “There’s a secret ‘real’ world leader handshake, uh,…
“National Opposites Day is a day that will live in infamy, and I’m the first president to say that,” said Trump. In a desperate attempt to move beyond the accusations made by the White House that former President Barack Obama had wiretap surveillance installed at Trump Tower, Donald Trump has retroactively declared March 4th...
Donald's .357 tries to match Kim Jong Un's antiaircraft guns. Tillerson weighs in over the nuclear button. Brinksmanship? No, it's reckless stupidity.
The heavily marked-down eternal soul of President Donald Trump’s press secretary is available for purchase at a secondhand store in a Washington, D.C., suburb.
Thousands of low-income elderly Americans scared by proposed draconian federal budget cuts and the prospect of skyrocketing health care costs are taking solace in President Donald Trump’s campaign promise that a venerable holiday greeting will enjoy a resurgence under his leadership.
Art Baxendale (37) is enjoying the breeze on his legs, blissfully unaware that his display is proving powerfully erotic to the women around town.
A scientific study finally focuses on something we care about: the Oreo cookie.
Responding to public outcry against the GOP's proposed healthcare plan and elements of his budget that include significant cuts to the Meals on Wheels program, President Trump confronted claims he is waging awar on the elderly by announcing today that the AHCA would completely cover the cost of medication seniors take all at once.
For me, a guy with mainstream sexual compulsions, the love of my life showed up where I least expected it: inside a rusty dumpster loaded with 1,000 gallons of syrupy green goo.
Washington, DC—The Secret Service has foiled the fourth attempt to breach the White House grounds in so many weeks. This latest incident occurred Sunday afternoon and involved the well-known children’s icon, Grover, of Sesame Street fame. Grover was arrested near the south entrance of the White House donning a cape and a plastic knight’s helmet. White House spokesperson Sean Spicer told…
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...

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