Check Please!
Stockholm, Sweden – (satireworld.com)

Olympic and world champion (Speed skating and pole vault) Ivana Phuque and her sister-in-law Nastia Phuque (a five time Olympic medalist and world champion in gymnastics herself) have announced their intention to compete as a doubles team on the tennis tour. Ivana, who previously said that she would compete on the LPGA tour, said that she changed her mind when the opportunity to work side by side with her sister-in-law and best friend. “I love her and cannot wait to get down and dirty with her on the tennis tour.”
Scientists at NASA's Jet Propulsion Lab this week announced the historic discovery of a newspaper clipping on Mars, proving that intelligent life once inhabited the red planet. And also, that all life on earth is essentially toast.
Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)

Investigations have revealed that the Democratic Party has already been organizing and planning riots, looting, car burning, violence, mob action, protests, and crying in areas where the Republicans win races in the mid-term elections on Tuesday. George Soros and Oprah Winfrey have each pledged millions in funding to pay for the “spontaneous protests” that are being scheduled all around the country.
Suffering from extreme fatigue and a broken political system that pits two unappealing parties against each other in never-ending rounds of bickering, voters across the US ran to the polls in huge numbers today in a bid to be ruled by a king and queen.
Appearing on Good Morning America today to promote his new film Instant Family, Mark Wahlberg said the movie, "Basically sucks."
Calling the ban a "witch-hunt" despite laboratory evidence from multiple states linking it to dozens of cases of E. coli poisoning nationwide, Trump urged Americans to continue eating the potentially contaminated variety of lettuce.
The ceremony, to be broadcast on ABC on February 24, 2019, is estimated to run approximately 79 hours.
Meet the 'Brexit Preppers' as they prepare their 'Brexit Bunkers' for the chaos they believe will follow a 'No Deal' Brexit. Top 'Prepper' tells of how tinned food, medicines, even illegal drugs, European porn and prostitutes are being hoarded in preparation for Brexit. Reveals that he is prepared to defend his bunker by force, if necessary.
Staking out what they hope will be another winning slogan, the president's campaign released a new theme line for his re-election in 2020: Make America Great Again Again
Satirical papers across the country are announcing that President Trump will no longer be considered a target of ridicule and general lampooning because, according to them, “it’s getting old”.
Hugh Humphries went out to dinner with his family last night to a place they commonly frequent. He ordered a salad. Everything went downhill from there.
A little known astronomer caused an uproar in the scientific community today after leaving a red lifesaver candy on the lens of a powerful telescope.
(SatireWorld.com)
Justin Bieber, the pop princess singer whose balls have yet to drop, was seen yesterday in public with girlfriend Selena Gomez and a new attachment on her finger. The Disney Channel actress (three words that do not go well together) was spotted wearing what appeared to be a diamond engagement ring.
Calling their Cleveland Cavaliers team the "true champions", Donald Trump invited Kevin Love and Kyle Korver to the White House for an NBA title celebration today.
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom,

I saw on the news last night that Walmart is going to start doing breast implants.

I know that breast implants use saline pouches, and that saline is just another name for salt water.

Do you think anyone has tried to corner the market on salt water by buying up a lot of stock?

I think that we could get ourselves rich doing this!

Lefty Schwartz Flyspit, Georgia
New York City, NY –

Hillary Clinton excuse number 74 (we know you’ve been counting) as to why her 2016 presidential campaign imploded during voting and underdog Donald Trump won….The new excuse that has people’s heads churning even more in disbelief is…Her lack of a male heir.
Backstabbing Institute of America – (satireworld.com)

Jane Fonda, long called Hanoi Jane by anyone who actually remembers the 60’s in anything other than a drugged out haze, has been voted the top American Traitor in an independent news poll. The results of the poll, which will air on a new reality series to be titled “America’s Biggest Traitor,” had Fonda beating out such other famous people as Benedict Arnold, the Rosenburgs, and Aldrich Ames.
Facing the prospect of falling out of the Little League World Series after losing their first two games by a combined score of 24-3, the boys from Clarksville, Tennessee did just that Tuesday, dropping their match-up with North Platte, Nebraska 13-0 and embarrassing themselves and the entire Volunteer State in the process.

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