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As we head into the Christmas season, many people are celebrating in that most traditional of ways: by shopping until midnight and spending money that they don’t have on presents that people don’t want. You may think that Uncle Joe from Cork will love that novelty nut-cracker in the shape of Baby Jesus, but the […]The post How to keep your home safe over the holidays appeared first on GlossyNews.com.
More visitors than Reagan's! Fewer tears than Kennedy's! Less graffiti than Bush's! The Donald J. Trump Presidential library is legit on fleet.
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show!
It's no wonder you stayed hidden from me all these years: you portray a real person better than anyone I've ever seen.
The bloke standing outside the supermarket with a massive umbrella has finally shifted an RAC membership, he has claimed.
Washington, DC—More republicans are crying foul after a photo surfaced showing the Special Counsel, Robert Mueller, leaving a local fortune-teller’s shop on 43rd Street NW. The above photo of a shop, but not PhotoShopped, brings the credibility of the entire Russia-probe investigation into serious question. Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) said, “Mueller really has a pair of crystal balls…
by Paul Lander.Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with ... Read moreRipping the Headlines Today, 7/23/18Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format. Pick up a copy at Barnes & Noble and other stores all over the U.S.
WASHINGTON – In a move described as “accepting reality” the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has declared plastic to be “a major food group.” US FDA spokesperson Carl Manson stated: “We admit that trace amounts of plastic leak into…Read more U.S. Declares Plastic a Major Food Group, Part of a Balanced Diet ›The post U.S. Declares Plastic a Major Food Group, Part of a Balanced Diet appeared first on GlossyNews.com.
You’re talking to the guy who read a few passages from Aristotle’s “Poetics,” but also read the Wikipedia summary several times.
Sacramento, CA—A plane dropping flame retardant over a California pot farm today suddenly swung off to the east and disappeared over the horizon. The plane and its two pilots, who were battling the Now-That’s-A-Fire! fire over in Hurley, were later found permanently wedged in a KFC drive thru. Sacramento Police report when the two were arrested…
Tweet Tower—Just ahead of Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller’s first wave of pending indictments, President Trump scrambled to set up a deal with FedEx to get some serious overnight shipping accomplished. The president told the press today, “By Monday morning, ahead of Mr. Mueller’s fake indictments, which should be sent to Hillary anyway, I have delivered…
British universities could soon be offering students the opportunity to take and pass a degree in their lunchbreak, no longer having to give up their current employment. And for those that can not pay the full the fees, they will have the option of settling the bill by washing up the dishes.
Tweet Tower–Shortly after the announcement that long time Communications Director Hope Hicks would be leaving her position at the White House, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee-Sanders said, “The president is already turning this into a positive. He is creating a new campaign for 2020. No Hope! It really says it all, and it fits nicely on…
Tweet Tower—With crisis comes opportunity and with Trump comes enough crises to employee an estimated 1.1 million crisis acting Americans (CAA). The White House is downplaying the negative implications of this aspect of the jobs report and instead remains focused on the overall low unemployment figures. Critics are pointing to the fact that endless acute situations, which only create temporary…
Tweet Tower—Soon after the announcement of the creation of a Space Force, President Trump revealed his intentions to appoint Pixar giant Buzz Lightyear to head this new branch of the military. Lightyear, a twenty year veteran of animated space exploration, has already expressed his excitement and his desire “to protect this great country from all space threats while our nation’s…
New CBI guidelines have been issued designed to help ease the anxiety experienced by 98.8% of City of London office workers when having to share a lift with strangers or colleagues. Brian Payne, a completely self-centered futures trader, is just one typical case. ‘I hate getting into a lift with anyone as I never know...
by Humor Times.If they succeed, we lose: they get less competition, and will raise prices, and we get stuck with their lousy service and slowest-in-the-world internet speeds. Help support small internet provider companies by contacting the FCC ... Read moreGiant Telecoms Trying to Wipe Out the Small Internet Provider: You’ll PaySubscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format. Pick up a copy at Barnes & Noble and other stores all over the U.S.
Oslo, NO—The Nobel Committee’s announcement of two joint winners in physics this year triggered a huge explosion in Oslo today. The  ‘winners’, a man from the U.S. and a woman from Canada, are still missing at this hour and presumed quantumly entangled. The explosion frightened many across a huge swath of the region. Along with some seismic aftershocks the event caused Maxwell’s Demon to shave Schrodinger’s…

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