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WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari): Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate and former Governor of Florida Jeb Bush announced his presidency would be a continuation of his brother George W. Bush's presidency in that he would send ground troops back to Iraq, reinstate torture in violation of American and international law, and make every other mistake made by his brother and more. Jeb promised Americans to ignore all of "the allegedly negative consequences" of his brother's presidency, and vowed to return America to "the golden age" of George W. Bush.
"My look is called 'Singing Barber Of The 1930s.'" Fred Flunkee, Retired Bargain Bin Man
Expanding upon his recent observation that “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose any voters,” likely GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump added today that if the people he shot were Muslims and Mexicans, he would probably even gain voters.
TRENTON, NEW JERSEY (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and Governor of New Jersey Chris Christie announced he was doubling his protective detail in his home state. The move followed thousands of threats made by New Jersey citizens to "tar and feather" Christie then "run him out of town on a rail."
The Segway cameraman who controversially managed to catch up with the world's fastest man Usain Bolt from behind, has not had his booking to cover the next G8 meeting of world leaders cancelled, we have been told.
Using a megaphone to command supporters to join him in a butt-shaking dance called the “Trump Bump,” presidential candidate Donald Trump did a victory lap in a golden chariot, just minutes after it became apparent that he had overwhelmed his opponents in New Hampshire’s Republican primary.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, President Obama sent his annual message to Congressional Republicans asking them "not to shut down the government again." Obama's handwritten letter explained to Republicans they had control of both chambers of Congress, so they needed to "get their act together, stop being drama queens, and pass some bills that actually have a chance of being signed by me."
Secrets of the Celebrity Sex Addiction Clinic Uncovered! Top Sex Therapist Reveals How Top Celebrity Sex Addicts Cured by Suppressing Their Orgasms!
SIMI VALLEY, CALIFORNIA (The Nil Admirari) - Tonight, Republican presidential candidates said a bunch of stuff to an audience that thought it knew a bunch of stuff. The candidate who led in the polls prior to the debate was the target of all the other candidates, who gave vague answers to softball questions while Americans outside of Ronald Reagan's shrine continued to suffer from more than three decades of trickle-down economics.
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Last night, Fox News talking head Bill O'Reilly used his show "The O'Reilly Factor" to assert a video showing him kicking a puppy was "100% false." O'Reilly played the video in which he could clearly be seen kicking a puppy and blamed "the liberal media" for producing the footage.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Department of Reality released a report warning Congressional Republicans a government shutdown would disrupt significant government spending and harm an already weak economy. Republicans responded to the "Shutdown Bad for Economy" report by ignoring the estimated $24 billion price tag from the 2013 government shutdown, and vowing to defund the Department of Reality for "using facts to advance a partisan agenda."
EARTH — World War III has broken out after a party cruise hosted by New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski sailed…
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - No one will ever know what Speaker John Boehner discussed with Pope Francis during a private meeting at the Capitol prior to the Pontiff's speech before a joint session of the U.S. Congress on Thursday. Sources close to the Republican leader are only saying that Boehner sought advice from…
The U.S. Justice Department is attempting to cajole Apple into granting it rear entry to iPhones by claiming doing so would not violate the tech company’s ethical standards.
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) - How the world (universe) turns! News satire sites are often accused of perpetuating hoaxes that many gullible netizens are quick to believe or pass on as fact. Today, the National Association of Satire Writers (NASW) discovered that today's NASA announcement about the discovery of flowing water on Mars was a…
Cleveland, OH – The distrust and acrimony between police officers and common citizens continues to escalate.  Proof is in the most recent incident that took place on the east side of Cleveland.
SAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles) - We're living in the world of the Millennial  generation where economic necessity begets a culture of sharing. Homeowners share their spare rooms through Airbnb and private car owners share a ride through Uber and Lyft with those who are challenged by mobility -- all for a fee, of course.…
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles) - It was the highlight of last night's 'Saturday Night Live' hosted by Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump. While he was delivering his opening monologue, Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders was standing by backstage waiting for his cue. Then it was time. As Trump was wrapping up his monologue, the…
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) announced all of the remaining Democratic presidential debates would occur on Mondays at 3AM. Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton denied any involvement in the debate schedule changes, as most Americans accused her of pushing for the scheduling changes to reduce the number of Americans able to watch Clinton debate her more progressive challengers.
A popular singer has once again experienced a mildly shocking relationship scandal which has succeeded in propelling her name into tabloid headlines.

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