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"Recent analysis shows that Mrs. Conway's face is in fact disintegrating at an accelerated pace, and will likely collapse completely by the year 2020 if significant efforts are not made to slow the process," remarked Dr. Norman Squeers of the Global Science Institute.
Taking a cue from Rotten Tomatoes, Netflix, and the Roman Colosseum, the latest congressional health care bill would replace detailed analysis of a patient’s condition with a much simpler thumbs-up/thumbs-down diagnosis.
While the White House insists the first lady is living in New York, Melania Trump actually has been housed for the past several weeks in a top-secret location where scientists with the Central Intelligence Agency are studying ways to transform her arresting visage into a lethal instrument, according to high-level officials within the intelligence community.
Local research assistant David Michel made a huge boo-boo at work the other night when he accidentally opened a vial of super deadly super-virus mistaking it for hand sanitizer...
Ickle dog owners were warned this morning not to let their little chums from swallowing the new one pound coin, because if they do it could get lodged in their little throats and choke them to death, according to three owners who had close calls.
Articles offering advice on how to spot infidelity abound, yet they are filled with lists of cliches, hunches, and unverifiable assumptions. Because of this, we’ve put together a more definitive guide...
I understand the difference between right and wrong. And if somebody captured Rob Lowe, murdered him and made a jacket out of his skin it would be wrong.
Images feature the major Labour ministers in ‘relaxed and artistic’ poses carrying out their ministerial duties completely in the buff.
“Trumpcare did go up for a vote today and it overwhelmingly passed if you understand alternative mathmatics. Democrats and the lame stream media simply forget to carry the alternate one.” —Kellyanne Conway
Astronauts aboard an International Space Station are on the brink of a discovery that will shake the whole human race. How it shakes out … is for you to see and find out. I will say, though, it does have to do with earth orbit space and...
A———————study was released last week detailing a dramatic increase in the number of people who battle with narco—————————tics, wait, excuse me, narcolepsy.  I’m sure that plenty of people struggle with narcotics too.
As a community service, allow me to dive into some hour-by-hour trends I’ve noted on the typical Friday night babysit, with a few tips for dealing with those trends.
Washington—The republican healthcare plan designed to replace Obamacare remains in critical condition at this hour. Trump spent the last day before the crucial vote trying to woo conservative support by learning what the word ‘woo’ means. Many in the House Freedom Caucus are attacking the Trumpcare bill from the right. Congressman Aschlocke (R-AK) told the Discord today, “The American…
WILLIAMSTOWN, KY – Televangelist Pat Robertson announced today that President Donald Trump is in fact “Jesus Christ Himself, come again, as He promised, to bring us all to Rapture and Saviority.”
Ivanka scores space in daddy's West Wing for a classy sales pitch. Eat yer heart out, Nordstroms.
Does your new haircut scream stylish or white power? Use this guide to see where you fall on the spectrum from well-meaning hipster to Richard Spencer.
A mock terror exercise has been held to simulate a mock terror attack on the city of London. Mock terror has been on the rise since Donald Trump took over as President of the USA, notably the Bowling Green Massacre and whatever happened last night in Sweden.

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