Check Please!
1. Because he wants them to (vampires suffer from Oppositional Undeadfiance Disorder). 2. You need at least a 100 IQ to be turned, no exceptions (well, except Tom Cruise and Robert Pattinson). Vampires, as a rule, won’t turn children (so Trump’s 0 for 2). 3. No creature preternatural or otherwise would want to listen to Trump for…
Tweet Tower—One of the two presidentially pardoned turkeys is back in the news today. A day after their pardoning ceremony, one of the turkeys, Peas, sent a short and pointed note to the president. After the Feds determined the white powder on the envelope was only meth, the note was handed to President Trump. In a gesture…
Are the great British public actually a bunch of ill informed morons? With radio phone ins more popular than ever and social media allowing ordinary citizens to publicly express their opinions as never before, top academic claims that everything they say is utter, ill informed, bollocks. Should government actually be discouraging greater electoral engagement by the terminally ignorant?
Birmingham, Illinois – (SatireWorld.com)
Jerry Plutarch, owner of “Jerry’s Pawn Shop and Title Loans” of Birmingham, Illinois, has said that the United States Treasury Department has defaulted on the payments of his loan to the United States Government. As such, Mr. Plutarch says that he will begin the process of seizing and selling off the assets used as collateral from this 2009 loan (part of the national debt).
HARRISBURG, Pa – (SatireWorld.com)
A Philadelphia traffic court judge was removed from office by a judicial ethics panel after showing a female court clerk cellphone photos of his genitals.

Nat New Jersey – (SatireWorld.com)
Miley Cyrus fans rejoice!
Hannah Montana’s recent lawsuit against Hannah Dakota (Fanning) has been settled in a most congenial and civilized way…A cat fight outside one of Hollywood’s trendiest nightclubs where either one of them cannot even venture into legally!
Is the mysterious codex of the Fifteenth Century Voynich Manuscript just gibberish? New TV series claims document, at best, semi-pornographic doodlings of bored medieval student. Further alleges that ancient Mayan art produced under influence of powerful hallucinogens rather than representing alien visitors.
Boston, MA – (satireworld.com)

A Golden Retriever,as a “matter of Principle” was forced to file a law suit in Federal court after a BOA branch canceled their policy of handing out doggy treats during transactions at their drive thru window.
Washington DC – (satireworld.com)

The Democratic National Committee (DNC) chaired by Tom Perez has sent out a Request for Proposals (RFP) to all 50 states to bid on constructing a suitable monument to the 44th POTUS, Barack Obama. The selected monument must be “shovel ready!” This measure was necessary because the federal government has refused to add Mr. Obama to Mount Rushmore located in South Dakota.

Cairo, IL – (satireworld.com)
Cairo police were tagged as racist and quick-on-the-gun after a hastily formed riot squad descended upon a gathering of Congresswoman Maxine Waters supporters assembling in a local park.
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - Four years after it officially declared the taking of selfies a mental disorder, the American Psychiatric Asssociation (APA) now admits it used the wrong terminology to describe the disease. It named the disorder, ‘selfitis.’ Since then, the world has acknowledged and experienced the existence of sefitis. Scientific studies,…
SatireWorld.com
A group of Democratic lawmakers paid a surprise un-authorized visit to a immigrant detention facility in New Jersey on Father’s Day to speak with asylum-seekers who have been separated from their families under a new Trump administration policy.
The Trump Administration announced today that it will offer a $5,000 rebate to anyone who purchases a 1983 Chrysler LeBaron through the year 2020.
The Trump Administration gave endangered status to five species of White American Wage Earners today, replacing the Northern Gray Otter on The Endangered Species List. In a tandem move, the administration also eliminated every other animal and plant from the list.
(SatireWorld.com)
Divorces are never pretty, but this one got pretty ugly… literally. A Chinese man divorced and then sued his ex-wife for giving birth to what he called an extremely ugly baby girl.

Initially, Jian Feng, age 39, accused his wife Jian of infidelity, so sure that he could never father an unattractive child.
Fort Bragg, NC – (SatireWorld.com)

A white American couple gave birth to black baby boy in August at the Army hospital located in the sprawling Fort Bragg complex. The very surprised woman later claimed to her OB-GYN that she had become pregnant while watching a 3-D porno movie in a public theater!
Addressing on Thursday the latest wave of sexual abuse scandals to have rocked the Catholic Church, Pope Francis vowed to keep the molestation of children by members of the clergy to a minimum going forward.
Blountstown, FL- (SatireWorld.com)
The small panhandle town that sparked a gold rush after nuggets were found strewn all over farmer Van Peebles farm, has apparently disappeared!
Any reference to the town, Van Peebles, gold, and aliens, have disappeared from Wikipedia, and attempts to pinpoint the town and Parker’s Creek on Google Map are fruitless.
City of Salisbury seeks to exploit novichok attacks to rebuild local economy. Local entrepreneurs set up 'Novichok Tours' and fake nerve agent attack experiences for tourists. New 'Novichok' perfume planned.

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