Check Please!
North Pole – (satireworld.com)

In November of 1998, I received a very disturbing e-mail. It had been forwarded several times, so there was no way to point to the original author or origin. I would like to quote that e-mail in it’s entirety, and then add my own comments:

He’s a She

“I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he’s a she.
Chuck Schumer sits askew from President Trump in the video of the year...
Bonn, Germany – (satireworld.com)
SW has identified a German man who claims penis enhancement pills along with daily stretching exercise really does work!

Hans Schwantz a sausage maker from Holstein showed off the results of his self improvement regimen with his 9″ long, 3.5″ circumference schlong weighing in at 9 lbs to SW stringer and ‘futbol’ corespondent Harold Worth who was duly impressed and left speechless.
New York, NY – (satireworld.com)

The Freshman Congressman from New York continued her one-on-one interview with conservative journalist Anita Drink:
Desperate Theresa May claims Brexit deal rejected by Parliament actually drawn up by ghost of Margaret Thatcher. Prime Minister allegedly possessed by spirit of predecessor determined to pursue her Euroceptic agenda from beyond the grave. Cynical attempt to avert blame for humiliating defeat or inspired attempt to rally right-wing support for deal by accediting it to conservative icon?
Saying he was only just getting started, Robert Mueller released the first of 973 leather-bound volumes detailing Americans' deplorable disregard for the rule of law, and subsequent decent into total decadency. Now available at Barnes and Noble.
President Trump ordered his Chief of Staff to grant Russian President Vladimir Putin a the highest security clearance available from the US government.
Chicago, Ill – (satireworld.com)
According to the online news source most favored by clueless douchebags, the Huffington-Post reports that Illinois Congressman Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-Ill) accused Republicans on Thursday of spreading “outright lies and exaggerations” during the current border crisis, particularly statements that unaccompanied minors from Central America might be bringing Ebola into the U.S.
A man who used an assault rifle to save a Hawaiian neighborhood from a flow of hot lava is being hailed as a hero today.
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - He holds the distinction of being the most prolific Philippine Senator, having proposed the most bills that have become law.  But it’s really more of a numbers’ game as opposed to the actual content or significance of his bills. His name is Antonio Trillanes, a former navy officer…
Despite recent Royal Wedding boosting popularity of matrimony in the UK, growing numbers of single people continue to believe in inconvenience of marriage. Consequently, wedding-themed magazine proposes self-marriage service allowing singles to walk down the aisle with themselves.
Washington, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - One can be carnivorous, vegetarian, vegan or Pescatarian. But the United States Depatment of Agriculture (USDA) has just released updated nutritional guidelies on what constitutes diets of Americans. The new guidelines classify  people who eat beef or chicken as vegetarians. In explaining the new guidelines, a spokesperson for…
48 year-old Rick Motter of Sarasota, Florida etched the letters 'JO' into the back of his hand with a ballpoint pen this morning, a quick reminder to his future self to masturbate later in the day.
Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) travels to Moscow tomorrow to trade US military secrets to Russia in exchange for video surveillance of Trump and Russian prostitutes engaged in one or more golden showers.
According to multiple posts on the online social network NextDoor.com, President Trump has managed to slip away from his Secret Service detail while on vacation in Bedminister and is currently loose on the streets of the small New Jersey town.
Wheel of Fortune – (satireworld.com)

After 35 years Vanna White has called it quits at Wheel of Fortune, one of TV’s most popular shows. The resignation caused a furor after it was discovered that the show’s computer system was hacked by Russians.
After victory in the Northern Trust Tournament in Paramus, New Jersey, the American professional golfer Bryson DeChambeau was declared Duke of Burgundy by her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II for his impressive lineage, and proper play.
“Honestly your Honour, I was acting in the best interests of the local community when I burned down my eighty five year old neighbour’s garden shed. I had very reliable information from a bloke down the pub that he was actually running a drug factory from there..."

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