Dear Mr. Toomey: Can I call you Pat? Hey Pat, please stop that ad campaign during which you attempt to justify and seek approval for your abandonment of the U. S. Constitution. I’m tired of you telling me how it’s my choice as to who fills in the vacant Supreme Court seat. Personally, I would pick Brian…

Flagstaff,AZ—Spacebar,thefinalfrontier.OurspacebarhasbeenpermanentlydisabledbyRussianorTrumpianhackers.FYI:theyarethesamethingnow.Granted,itwillbedifficulttofunctionwithoutaspacebar,butwethediscordfeeltheshowmustgoon.CEOofTheDiscord,PierceWinslow,isinnegotiationswiththeincomingTrumpAdminsitrationtoresolvethecurrentfrictionbetweenthetwoentities.Mr.Winslowexplains,”Ifwecan’tgetanywherewiththesepeoplewemightstartusingcommasinsteadofspacesorthewordspace,bolded.(space)see?(space).It(space)could(space)work(space)in(space)a(space)pinch.(space).Thebig?is:willanyonehitreadmoretoday? Wow,yo

President Trump, speaking through his spokesperson Sean Spicer, has announced a revolutionary plan to deal with global warming, “if such a thing does exist.”

Washington—The Department of Education plans to rollback Obama-era sexual assault guidelines in an effort to protect some harmless college antics and pranks. Education Secretary Betsy Devos is leading the charge to decriminalize all ‘pre-rape’ offenses and instances of inadvertent penetration. DeVos told the press today, “Not all miss-conduct is the fault of mister-conduct. Sometimes shit happens in locker rooms…

Kim Davis promises to end the hypocrisy and start enforcing “God’s law” in all cases. Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis is still not issuing marriage licenses, invoking “God’s authority,” despite a rebuke from the Supreme Court on her lawyer’s appeal.

Preview Of course, the world may end with a bang and a Trumpster, which is as close to multitasking as these people get.

The State of the Union: it’s complicated In his last State of the Union Address, that renowned weaver of uplifting platitudes, President Barack Obama, crocheted his constituents one final quilt of bittersweet melancholy to remember him by.

California drought, paired with discovery of water on Mars, forces NASA reappraisal. The day after NASA announced they had found water on Mars, the agency revised its list of places in the universe with the least amount of water. California, along with the Sahara desert in North Africa, are now above Mars on the list.

Republicans “furious” Benghazi not on agenda.  

Bono to arrange Fire Swamp Benefit Concert.  

by James Israel.The myth of a huge white voter turnout has been debunked. The real story is the lack of Democratic voters. Obama had far more. Okay, check this out. I saw this on CBS, with Don Lemon interviewing Michael Moore. (Clip below.) Keep in mind, the graph below seems to exaggerate differences in the vote totals, [more...]Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.

Why complain, republicans? You got it pretty good. Your Senators from places like Montana and South Dakota carry the same weight as their counterparts in New York and California. Then, when population does matter, you’ve gerrymandered every district into oblivion. Nice. Oh, and you won the Senate because no one save the old, white and…

Cleveland, OH—Trump supporter, Benjamin Meanie, is angry with the quality of the graffiti turning up on the buildings and vehicles in his city. He vows to roam the streets correcting the spelling, grammar, and even the content of any and all pro-Trump vandalism. “I support all the bigotry and hatred, but I still long for a day…

The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...

by Paul Lander.Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything ... Read moreRipping the Headlines Today, 11/20/18Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format. Pick up a copy at Barnes & Noble and other stores all over the U.S.

“I used the bankruptcy law and did a tremendous thing — all the top people agree,” says Trump. Bernie Sanders’ recently challenged Donald Trump to a televised debate, and Trump initially accepted. Appearing on the Jimmy Kimmel Live talk show, Trump said that it would be “fun to smash that old Jew in the mouth...

I recently had the honor and privilege of interviewing my jerk face friend, Mick Zano. We met over a beer in downtown Flagstaff to discuss fake news, satire, and what Zano calls the State of the Onion. We had our fair share of battles in the lead up to the election, as he was a little more…

My friend thinks Democrats are the main racists in today’s society as well as in the past. So liberals are secretly the alt-right, tiki-torch wielding hate mongers? Too bad that laundromat was closed on may way to Charlottesville. [Sheet out-of-luck joke removed by the editor.] What fun house mirror are you snorting PCP off of? Your trip down racism…

Union-busting to enrich greedy owners should not be celebrated. Occasionally, I see something that is so bizarre, so out of place, so wrong that I have to assume I’m hallucinating. For example, I could have sworn I was delusional when I heard about the National Park Service’s Pullman National Monument in Chicago. George Pullman?

John Boehner may have called Ted Cruz “Lucifer,” but the GOP is not exactly exhibiting a ton of enthusiasm for Donald Trump, either. One of the oddest moments in a presidential campaign filled brim-spillingly with them is the sight of the Republican Party struggling to rally around the man looking more and more like its...