Flint, MI—At the Democratic debate last night Hillary Clinton clearly felt the Bern. Leading up to this debate, Bernie Sanders was under increased scrutiny to provide more details when answering questions. In a move no one saw coming, the longest serving Senator wowed the audience with scenes from Hamlet and other Shakespearean classics. When Hillary attacked Sanders for failing…

In an under-reported story Trump berated as ‘fake news,’ astonished onlookers witnessed the first-ever turkey pardoning of a president. According to witnesses, in an unusual turnaround at the annual Turkey Pardoning festivity...

The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...

It may well be that director Miguel Artete and screenwriter Mike White have initiated a new franchise for a string of movies unlike those regarding our friend Harry Potter and more akin to our president … Donald Trump.

In the wake of the #MeToo environment that society now finds itself, many progressive parents are opting to spare their potential politicians from a lifetime of needless allegations. It’s safe, it’s easy, and it’s guaranteed to keep your future leader scandal free, or your money back! In a world where any touch can be perceived as a bad one, even decades…

The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...

Flagstaff, AZ—Maloney’s Pub, located in historic downtown Flagstaff, has been a local favorite for many NAU college students unfamiliar with the taste of good beer. The origins of the smell—which patrons describe as a stale uriney, frat-style vomit—remained a mystery, until now… ISIS marketing coordinator Abdul Abdul Abdullah explains, “Radicalized odors are all part of…

I wrote 36 reviews of new films in this bizarre year of 2016.  I can’t see all the new movies, nor do I want to. Then there are those that I’m not privy to see. Either they aren’t locally screened or a screener isn’t...

Washington, DC—Special Prosecutor, Robert Mueller, the man assigned to investigate President Trump’s possible obstruction of justice was last seen reluctantly entering a limousine outside of the downtown DC Hooters on 7th Street. Eye witnesses claim several of Trump’s security detail surrounded Mueller, while mindlessly chanting “make a America great again” over and over again. One passerby claims Mr. Mueller was…

This Trumpian folly of a border wall is not needed and won’t work. How much of our money does Donald Trump want to pour into his xenophobic fantasy of erecting an impenetrable wall on our Mexican border? The big-businessman-turned-president insists that costs be damned — just build it!

Dear Mr. Toomey: Can I call you Pat? Hey Pat, please stop that ad campaign during which you attempt to justify and seek approval for your abandonment of the U. S. Constitution. I’m tired of you telling me how it’s my choice as to who fills in the vacant Supreme Court seat. Personally, I would pick Brian…

Flagstaff,AZ—Spacebar,thefinalfrontier.OurspacebarhasbeenpermanentlydisabledbyRussianorTrumpianhackers.FYI:theyarethesamethingnow.Granted,itwillbedifficulttofunctionwithoutaspacebar,butwethediscordfeeltheshowmustgoon.CEOofTheDiscord,PierceWinslow,isinnegotiationswiththeincomingTrumpAdminsitrationtoresolvethecurrentfrictionbetweenthetwoentities.Mr.Winslowexplains,”Ifwecan’tgetanywherewiththesepeoplewemightstartusingcommasinsteadofspacesorthewordspace,bolded.(space)see?(space).It(space)could(space)work(space)in(space)a(space)pinch.(space).Thebig?is:willanyonehitreadmoretoday? Wow,yo

President Trump, speaking through his spokesperson Sean Spicer, has announced a revolutionary plan to deal with global warming, “if such a thing does exist.”

Washington—The Department of Education plans to rollback Obama-era sexual assault guidelines in an effort to protect some harmless college antics and pranks. Education Secretary Betsy Devos is leading the charge to decriminalize all ‘pre-rape’ offenses and instances of inadvertent penetration. DeVos told the press today, “Not all miss-conduct is the fault of mister-conduct. Sometimes shit happens in locker rooms…

Kim Davis promises to end the hypocrisy and start enforcing “God’s law” in all cases. Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis is still not issuing marriage licenses, invoking “God’s authority,” despite a rebuke from the Supreme Court on her lawyer’s appeal.

Preview Of course, the world may end with a bang and a Trumpster, which is as close to multitasking as these people get.

The State of the Union: it’s complicated In his last State of the Union Address, that renowned weaver of uplifting platitudes, President Barack Obama, crocheted his constituents one final quilt of bittersweet melancholy to remember him by.

California drought, paired with discovery of water on Mars, forces NASA reappraisal. The day after NASA announced they had found water on Mars, the agency revised its list of places in the universe with the least amount of water. California, along with the Sahara desert in North Africa, are now above Mars on the list.

Republicans “furious” Benghazi not on agenda.