Rupert Murdoch is to stand down as leader of Fox to take up the role of Prince of Darkness vacated by Christopher Lee who passed away last month.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and empathy-handicapped billionaire Donald Trump criticized Democratic presidential candidate U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont for completely lacking a policy on how to combat comedian and actress Rosie O'Donnell. Trump called Sanders' lack of a policy regarding O'Donnell "shameful" while asserting Rosie was "a fat pig," "a clear and present danger to the United States," and she should probably be nuked from outer space.

COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA (The Nil Admirari) - The Loyal White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan (KKK) had a bake sale outside the South Carolina State House today to raise money to increase its ownership of 21st Century Fox (FOXA), which is the parent company of Fox News. At present, the KKK group owns 3% of Fox News and has a goal of reaching 5% ownership by the end of 2015.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari): Congressional Republicans announced today that despite a nuclear agreement between President Obama and Iran they were still very optimistic about a war with the Iranians. Republicans pointed to the extremists in Iran and to themselves as being the ultimate reason why peace would never be successfully negotiated between the two powers.

What started out as jubilation over a momentous scientific achievement soon devolved into dangerous riots after NASA’s New Horizons spacecraft flew past Pluto.

FLINT, MICHIGAN (The Nil Admirari) - Michigan Governor Rick Snyder's new bottled water company, Flint River Water, has the slogan "Good Enough for Flint, Good Enough for America." Snyder boasts the quality chloride-fortified bottled water is a testament to him running government like a business and cutting costs at the expense of public health and safety.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump announced today he was ready to serve in the Vietnam War. Trump said he received several deferments from the war for being too young to be command-in chief, but he has always had a strategy to win the Vietnam War and promised to share it only after he was elected president.

Israel’s intelligence service Mossad has confirmed that a former prominent Nazi who was abducted by agents over the weekend is Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II.

Japanese company Mitsubishi was criticised last night for saying sorry in a comedic Japanese accent, it was claimed last night.

ATLANTA, Georgia (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Two weeks ago, CNN ran a banner headline announcing that ISIS was advancing "on two fonts." The headline meant to read "fronts." It was assumed that the error was a copyediting issue. But apparently, it was a hacking issue, and it happened yet again. CNN, while doing a live…

Expanding upon his recent observation that “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose any voters,” likely GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump added today that if the people he shot were Muslims and Mexicans, he would probably even gain voters.

A royal spokesman today revealed that Hitler made secret visits to Buckingham Palace in 1933 for tea with members of the royal family.

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the College Board released the new AP History curriculum with changes demanded by American conservatives since 2012, when a retired history teacher named Larry Krieger took offense to the fact AP students weren't learning about the "perfect America" in his mind. When the Republican National Committee (RNC) learned the AP History curriculum also conflicted with the America in its collective head, it declared war on the College Board and demanded it emphasize "American exceptionalism and patriotism, and less of the inconvenient and...

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - The campaign of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump announced today it fired an adviser named Sam Nunberg for making racist statements shockingly similar to those Trump makes every day. Nunberg was fired after it was discovered he made offensive Trump-like statements on social media in 2007 and 2008. Nunberg denied he ever stated them, much like Trump would in his position.

Cleveland – As the waters start to swirl with GOP sharks hopeful to take over Obama’s office, some alarming trends have surfaced after the first debate.  Recent polls show that 43% of Americans say they will leave the country if their candidate does not prove successful in the next open election.

Presidential hopeful Scott Walker unveiled a new plan today that would provide funding for Wall Street by using money raised from new college tuition fees.

“Though he’s only been on the scene a short time, he’s made inroads,” said political analyst Donna Brazile.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Republican National Committee (RNC) updated its platform to make it clear Republicans would never stop denying climate change until "credible evidence" was presented. The platform also clearly declared "the extinction of humanity" as being the only evidence Republicans would find to be genuine.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, a TNA poll discovered 71% of Americans were in favor of renewed hostilities between Fox News and Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump. The mutually assured destruction of both lying, far-right, and bigoted entities was seen as a positive for the political discourse of the country.

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