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In an unprecedented scandal that has the U.S. Census Bureau reeling, it has been revealed that New Hampshire is actually a small state of no particular significance.
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Fox News President Roger Ailes called billionaire and Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump earlier today after experiencing the wrath of unhinged Fox News viewers, other conservative media outlets, and Trump's weekend anti-Fox News media blitz. Tensions continued to grow quickly over the thinly veiled hit job Ailes ordered on Trump during Thursday night's debate, which Megyn Kelly largely carried out. Although no one knows everything the conversation between Trump and Ailes was about it did result in Trump agreeing to go on...
In the video, the clearly angry Corbyn asked some question or other which the prime minister answered after removing her owl shaped glasses, popular at the time.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari): Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate and former Governor of Florida Jeb Bush announced his presidency would be a continuation of his brother George W. Bush's presidency in that he would send ground troops back to Iraq, reinstate torture in violation of American and international law, and make every other mistake made by his brother and more. Jeb promised Americans to ignore all of "the allegedly negative consequences" of his brother's presidency, and vowed to return America to "the golden age" of George W. Bush.
ARTISANAL PRESS — Research recently published in a peer-reviewed journal suggests that the latest generation of political radicals in the United States is, itself, undergoing a radical change. Dr. Mike Godwin, behavioral & political scientist at Reed University, claims that a large number of twentysomething radical leftists — many voting for the first or second time in their lives — are getting fat, and changing their voter registration to Democrat.
The cheeky smile on a local man from Layer Under Haye, who died last year, has finally been explained after his name was found on the Ashley Madison database.
With the unexpected death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, Republican National Committee Chair Reince Priebus is dismayed at having wasted his last wish from that genie on a sandwich.
LACONIA, NEW HAMPSHIRE (The Nil Admirari) - This morning, Republican presidential candidate and Governor of New Jersey Chris Christie announced he wanted to fit a permanent shock collar equipped with a Global Positioning System (GPS) on all illegal immigrants that entered the United States. Christie explained every illegal immigrant would be fitted with a collar and dropped off in Mexico approximately two miles away from the US-Mexico border where the collar would be activated and programmed to shock an illegal immigrant if he or she came within one mile of the United States.
Captioning a photo of three fish tacos, Sloan, who recently purchased several firearms, including an AR-15 assault rifle and several hundred rounds of ammunition at a gun show, wrote: "Fish tacos from Mariscos Mi Gusto. Yum."
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced she only planned to make one or two mistakes like her 2002 vote to give Republican President George W. Bush the authority to invade Iraq. Clinton assured Americans she would apologize "extremely sincerely" for an inevitable future mistake or two that could be compared to the costly war with, and subsequent occupation of, Iraq.
“It’s really awesome because it’s got tons of me in it!” says Matt Damon as he described his latest film to a group of fawning journalists during a press briefing earlier today organized by his production company Matt Damon Is God Productions.
Communist candidate for president Bernie Sanders called for a ban on Thanksgiving today, disparaging America's most solemn and cherished of traditions.
SEEKONK, MASSACHUSETTS (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, a Massachusetts man with serious health problems and crippling medical debt announced Democratic presidential candidate Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont may have progressive policy solutions to help him avoid financial ruin, disability, and death, but he disliked Sanders' record on guns. Thomas Basil, a construction worker and married father of two, cited Sanders' NRA rating of "D-" as the reason why he openly supported Republican presidential candidate and billionaire Donald Trump, "who always says what is on his mind..."
MOREHEAD, KENTUCKY (The Nil Admirari) - Last week, a bigoted Kentucky woman who has been breaking federal law and disrespecting the supreme authority of the Constitution since late June - all because she hates "the gays" - was awarded a plaque by a well-known national bigoted organization for being a prominent bigot in 2015. Today, the notable bigot displayed her bigot plaque in the office where she continued to not do her job, and returned to making a mockery of the rule of law while she hid behind her religion to continue being bigoted.
Cleveland, OH – The distrust and acrimony between police officers and common citizens continues to escalate.  Proof is in the most recent incident that took place on the east side of Cleveland.
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles)  - GMA News is reporting that Filipino champion boxer Manny Pacquiao has confirmed that he is running for senator of the Philippines, with the blessings of his wife, mother and God. The congressman from the province of Saranggani follows in the footsteps of U.S. Senator from Wisconsin, Scott Walker, who when he…
WOLFSBURG, Germany (The Adobo Chronicles) - Apple faces some serious competition for its new product, the Apple Watch, and it's coming from an automaker, Volkswagen. Volkswagen, the world's largest automaker, is in deep trouble over its rigging of diesel engine emissions tests in America and Europe. The company falsified U.S. pollution tests by installing software ("defeat devices")…
Is Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn High Priest of a Powerful Witches' Coven? Astonishing Claims From Tory Back Bencher Who Alleges that Corbyn Plans to Destroy Britain Through Black Magic.
CRAWFORD, TEXAS (The Nil Admirari) - Today, former President George W. Bush promised Americans he would never admit the war in Iraq was a mistake, because he felt "the history book people" would eventually agree his administration's decision to willingly lie about a pretext to invade another sovereign country "was totally okay." Bush was adamant about never admitting the invasion - and subsequent unplanned occupation - of Iraq was a massive mistake only a day after former British Prime Minister Tony Blair apologized for the war in Iraq.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and former Governor of Florida Jeb Bush was widely criticized for his latest jobs plan failing to get presidential rival Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL) back to work. Bush's plan was declared "a complete failure" by conservative and liberal observers alike for its exclusive reliance on guilt, and failure to give Rubio any incentives to get back to work.

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