Check Please!
Last night, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention released a report informing the nation of the terrible, reoccurring health and safety issue known as “Swamp Butt”.
BRUSSELS, Belgium (The Adobo Chronicles, Paris Bureau) - Remember that arrival ceremony in Israel when Donald Trump's hand was slapped by First Lady Melania?  (Apparently it happened again as the couple arrived in Italy!) It was a big embarrassment for the President but he could not get back at his wife.  So he took it out…
Is Labour planning to, literally, take Britain back to the seventies? Journalist claims manifesto promises compulsory strikes, radio prog rock quotas and peadophile children's TV presenters. Austin Allegro and Hillman to be put back in production and digital TV scrapped in favour of traditional three channel TV.
"The Lifer" has been doing the same job for over 30 years and, despite your complaints, still wears his misery like a warm blanket on a blustery winter night.
Office workers have agreed that their smug 'gym-before-work' colleague will be viciously gagged, if he mentions his morning workout routine again. The proposed muzzling of 26 year-old new trainee, Ben Smith, follows endless daily boasts that he was performing deadlifts and squats before sunrise.
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...
Heralding a major victory for dozens of commercial food distributors around the country, companies will no longer need to abide by standards that kids' school rat feces contain a minimum of food.
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – The European Parliament has voted to end visa-free travel for Americans within the EU.
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - The news media have been focusing on China's supposed threat to go to war with the Philippines should the latter pursue its claim over disputed territory in the South China Sea. By sheer number, the Philippines is no match to China's military power.  China has seven times the…
In an effort to more thoroughly distract viewers from the myriad bombshell reports about President Donald Trump’s administration and campaign, the company that owns the conservative media outlet Fox News has launched a sister channel dedicated to airing old stories about Barack Obama, Bill and Hillary Clinton, and other despised Democrats.
The junior U.S. senator from Louisiana was late to work on Capitol Hill last week after admittedly getting distracted by searching for his testicles.
Donald Trump curtseyed like a girl today when receiving a medal from the Saudi king, according to an expert close to the president's knees.

An onlooker said: "If Saudi women were allowed to not wear a headdress they would look just like Donald Trump curtseying in this clip. That's if women were allowed to win medals in the kingdom."
Mesa, AZ – President Donald Trump is facing some pretty serious allegations that appear to gain more credibility each day.  It is also widely believed that Trump has carefully selected government officials that know what he knows but are in the ‘inner circle’ to protect his interests.
San Diego, CA – In a sign of our troubled times, legendary inter web startup GoFundMe has taken a step no one could have conceived.  Chairman and CEO, Rob Solomon, shares that the once unique idea that brought in millions in revenue is close to bankruptcy.
DARFUR—A rare Gerbillus Burtoni, or Burton’s Gerbil, destined to become some predator or insect’s meal, was rescued yesterday in the western part of one of Africa’s most chaotic countries.
Mar-a-lago (The Southern White House) – Lester Holt, of NBC News, recently conducted an interview with President Trump that can only be described as spectacular.  
A group of Donald Trump voters screwed up a vote on where to go for lunch yesterday, the second election in a row they have helped mess up over the past six months, coworkers at NextWave Industrial Blinds in Darby, Pennsylvania say.
OK, so a really, really, really, really long time ago, there was this broad… this princess. She was a princess, right? So, she had this real wonderful, real fantastic life. Real luxurious.

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