Faber College, PA—Skip “Skeeter” Mcyentire of Beta Alpha Lambda (BAL) is ready to take hazing to a more humiliating level with the addition of some built-in safeguards designed to protect his fraternity from any litigation. “All our activities come complete with waivers now, drawn up by our pre-law adviser and regular keg signer, Ted “Blotto” Freihoffer. “He’s been in pre-law for almost…

Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...

In a new development, it appears that Donald Trump’s biggest protesters are no longer on the campaign trail, but in his own home. He and wife Melania got into such a screaming match today that the secret service broke into their room...

Politics in America had suffered a blow
Americans were fed up with the status quo
Obama did what he could with what given
The red states were mad, they were hellbent and driven
Give us a new leader, give us fresh meat
A guy who knows how to make money...

The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...

The campaign race for the presidential nomination is getting crowded, but we like it that way! Got to congratulate Donald Trump in this campaign for how fast he’s become more annoying to the Republican Party than a mouse in an air conditioning unit.

Flagstaff, AZ—A local meter maid disappeard under mysterious circumstances yesterday afternoon. She was later found stuffed like a pinatta with her own parking ticket pad. Police are questioning everyone in the town in alphabetical order. Breaking news: all police questioning will occur in reverse alphabetic order since a person named Zano submitted this story for…

The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...

In related news: kids caught playing twister in tornado alley.

Remember Trump-the-candidate fulminating against these very Wall Street elites? Of all the economic pain in America that Washington ought to be relieving, what group would you choose as the top priority? Public opinion surveys consistently reveal that the great majority of us say that people on the lower rungs of the economic ladder...

Muppets vow if Grover is sent to Guantanamo, they will “unleash the furry.” Full Grover coverage here. Tell your Congressman, “Let my Muppets go!”

Newark, NJ—Scientists believe they have discovered evidence of the delusional particle responsible for a long list of misunderstood political scandals. Currently many false political narratives are only visible to republicans under the influence of AM radio or Fox News. Physicists at Newark’s Large Propaganda Taxsinkrotron collided a particle of feces with a particle of Newtrino. Physicist, Dr. Ramenoodledan, explains,…

The butt bump may just be the safest greeting of all New research findings just released from the CDC show that the “butt bump” may be the safest way to greet other people. The CDC conducted a large-scale experiment to determine how to reduce the transmission of a number of viruses, including rhinoviruses responsible for...

Shady Acres Retirement Home—Dr. Henry Heimlich was in the news earlier this week after saving a fellow retirement home tenant from choking. More details of the incident are emerging that throw the famous anti-choke artist into a decidedly different light. According to witnesses, before Mr. Heimlich was able to eject the goods, a Lemony Snicket-like series of…

Airbnb CEO Brian Chesky told the Discord today that his company is in direct negotiations with the White House. The most successful peer-to-peer home rental company is now trying to partner with government for what they are describing as some prime unoccupied real estate. “When we think Trump appointees, we envision a lot of space,” said Chesky, “so why not…

Will Martha Stewart become Head of the Department of Interior?

Enough with the old tired slogans – here are some bumper stickers we can relate to.   PLEASE – JUST HOLD THE ELECTION NOW AND GET IT OVER WITH! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE! – Did anyone else notice that we ultimately are allowed only two choices? – I turned on the TV and...

While Philadelphia is not considered the epitome of the bon vivre, it is nonetheless responsible for some goodies we enjoy today, and not just Philly Steak. After all, the Constitution, Ben Franklin and Freedom of the Press got their starts there, as did the Queen of the Philadelphia...