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Were Notorious Sex Fiends Jimmy Savile and Rolf Harris the Result of Secret British Government Experiments? Top Scientist Claims Pair's Super Powers Allowed Them to Offend on Unprecedented Scale!
Ever since the war to take down the Galactic Empire ended, Han Solo and his trusty co-pilot Chewbacca have been scrounging around for work.  Although there is finally a new Star Wars movie coming out, the Canadian military commissioned the two well respected pilots to test some planes similar to TIE fighters that were popular during that era.  
A noticeably heavier looking Sepp Blatter dropped food he was eating on the ground just moments after resigning allofasudden, according to our man at the scene.
Adding more shame to the beleaguered world governing body for soccer, an internal investigation has revealed that FIFA’s female executives regularly earn less than a quarter of the bribe money compared to their male counterparts.
Islamisbad, Pakistan -(satireworld.com)

In order to shore up faltering ratings and falling revenues, cable news channel MSNBC has decided to offer prime-time reality shows with a foreign flare. Reality TV’s latest offering is sure to raise eyebrows and a few Muslim tempers as season one of The Real Housewives of Islamabad makes its way to the small screen.
Boulder, CO – Several studies have been conducted about how much bacteria food will collect when dropped on the ground.  This phenomenon, known as the “5 second rule,” has been a point of contention amongst scientists for years.  Is it ok to eat food that drops on the ground or should it be thrown away immediately?
HOLLYWOOD, California  (The Adobo Chronicles) - Sony Pictures has just announced that Cameron Crowe has been chosen to direct a new film about the white woman who has been posing as African American.  The film is titled "Spokane," named after the city in which Rachel Dolezal headed the local NAACP chapter. Crowe, who has come under…
LOS ANGELES (The Barbed Wire) - Embarrassed Family Feud and Miss Universe pageant host, Steve Harvey, is continuing to cleanse his conscience following his recent gaffe in announcing the wrong winner in the famous beauty contest. Harvey announced Ms. Colombia as the winner, when the real winner was Ms. Philippines, a mix-up that became a contest nightmare.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidates Donald Trump and U.S. Senator Ted Cruz of Texas both claimed to be the person who wanted to curb the most civil liberties. The two privately conceded it was critical for the eventual Republican presidential nominee to secure the block of conservative voters that routinely claimed a Democratic president was taking their freedoms away, but enthusiastically volunteered their freedoms to a Republican president while caught up in a nationalistic fervor.
Every year, ESPN The Magazine pays tribute to the sculpted bodies of the athletic world in their "The Body Issue." And this year, they're adding one more special edition issue to the mix with their "Offensive Linemen Edition," due out in September.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton criticized rival U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont for "picking on" her bankster friends who run the financial institutions responsible for the 2008 economic crisis. Clinton took serious issue with Sanders' plan to break up commercial and investment banks, because that would prevent her bankster pals from using the bank deposits of regular Americans to make extremely risky investments and stick American taxpayers with the bill when they lose big.
Donald Trump has had a rough month. After making racist remarks about Mexicans, the GOP presidential candidate and real estate tycoon lost his TV deal with Univision and had his menswear line at Macy's dumped. But Trump is anything but a defeatist, and his staff says he's now "en fuego."
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, TNA released the results of a study on what would happen if a federal building was seized by a group of armed Black Americans last weekend. Its conclusion was if such a group seized a federal building and its members dared federal authorities to attack them their funerals would be ending right about now.
BOONE, IOWA (The Nil Admirari): The campaign of Republican presidential candidate Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) has been selling illegal fireworks by a roadside in Boone, Iowa for the last few days. Graham stated his struggling campaign was "thinking outside the box" for ways to raise money and allow Iowans to meet him in person.
GUAYAQUIL, Equador (The Adobo Chronicles®) - Pope Francis starts his 7-day trip to three countries in South America, with a clear message to Donald Trump. The Roman Catholic Pontiff urged the countries of Ecuador, Bolivia and Paraguay to boycott the Miss Universe pageant over owner Trump's disparaging remarks about Mexican immigrants to the U.S. The real…
Observers from around the globe were surprised and saddened on Monday to find that a giant shadow had been cast over the Earth.
Actor and comedian said sitting around complaining to Larry King about kids today while waiting for the statute of limitations to kick in "was one of the most rewarding distractions of my career."
Following criticism from both Democrats and fellow Republicans about his harsh tone, GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump says he will not alter his tone one bit, maintaining that what people see is the natural color of his skin.

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