Check Please!
I’ve never been good at getting blood drawn. Note here that I am not a little man, so this is remarked upon frequently by those tasked with stealing my blood from me.
I’ve heard and read posts from a number of you describing this election as a choice between the lesser of two evils. And while that is a wholly accurate expression for this predicament, there’s another idiom that is more instructive regarding this unholy dilemma: “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.”
I realized that there’s a need, and I am overly qualified to fill it. So I’m writing this as a service to you, the people. I present to you a list of the best places in Baton Rouge to eat almost-literal garbage and doubt the human condition.
It was a notion of mine that The Meddler would backstory (a new verb?) as autobiographical. I was right. Lorene Scafaria’s new so-titled film — written and directed by her — is about Ms. Scafaria’s Mom. Susan Sarandon plays Mom. Her name is Marnie Minervini.
Almost immediately after I shut my door, I heard the door on the other side fly open and slam shut. The unseen tech on the other side was very eager to steal my pee.
Maybe they’re bored with more traditional, relatively civilized campaigns to become the leader of the free world. Maybe they’re spoiled by today’s myriad entertainment options and want this race to be a monthslong political version of Max Max: Fury Road. Maybe they want this year’s presidential race to be the kind of shit show future historians will point to as the reason why we decided to let robots run the country.
If I had the mind of a 4-year-old, maybe I’d be excited about this one thing and one thing only. That would be awesome. If there were no room for worrying about paying bills, managing job responsibilities, or any of that adult nonsense, I could just focus on being stoked for Captain America: Civil War, and maybe how many Junior Mints I can fit in my mouth.
Every symptom is simultaneously easily explainable and the last thing you’ll notice before you die.
by Humor Times.Jack Ohman will be interviewed in May by Humor Times editor James Israel on Access Sacramento TV Humor Times editor James Israel will interview Pulitzer Prize-winning cartoonist Jack Ohman on Access Sacramento‘s Soapbox Sacramento show (channel 17 on Comcast and channel 14 on AT&T U-verse), to air in May.
Nefarious political critters are scrambling, backed into a corner by the “Panama Papers” It’s always educational to observe the behavior of wildlife in their natural habitat. For example, we learn that there’s nothing more vicious than a wild animal that’s cornered. I would add that there’s nothing more devious than a top political or corporate...
The subtlest humor to come from Elvis and Nixon isn’t its relaxed pace and “one-joke-ee-ness,” but something else that quietly comes to mind as this new movie slips through your brain. It’s almost a spoiler, but not quite.
Which question has more relevancy: what did Miles Davis do for jazz, or what did Miles Davis do to jazz? From where I’ve been listening over several decades, both questions have precisely the same answer: “Quite a bit!”
Millions of Americans see these people — many by simply looking in a mirror — who can’t control themselves around food and still think sexually impelled teenagers can control themselves around other sexually impelled teenagers.
Taking my Y chromosome in hand, I did my duty and pretended I wasn’t walking around with the feeling that I’d recently been kicked in the nuts. For weeks.
Is it Donald Trump's wife, Melania, or adult film star Madison Ivy? How well can you distinguish between these two doppelgangers?
“Tried As An Adult” is a new series by Knick Moore chronicling his recent health issues.
We’ve seen a million or more police procedurals in movies and on television; they began well before TV’s Joe Friday was around keeping Los Angeles safe. Time enough has slipped by for us to now learn the intricate steps of the drone procedural.
The crazy-high incarceration rates for the black population on minor drug charges isn’t just an unintended side effect of Nixon’s little whoopsie-doodle? No way!
We feel obligated to laud an intrepid local reporter and his recent brave actions to stand up for his right — and the right of countless other journalists — to freely contribute to the decline of his profession without unlawful persecution from police.
What Whiskey Tango Foxtrot is … is Mash on steroids — not in Korea, but Afghanistan. And alas, Alan Alda got no call back for this new Tina Fey movie. BTW, WTF is based on real experiences abroad. Just so you know, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot...

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